Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton

http://www.lyrics007.com/Eric%20Clapton%20Lyrics/Tears%20In%20Heaven%20Lyrics.html

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven

Will it be the same

If I saw you in heaven

I must be strong, and carry on

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven

I'll find my way, through night and day

Cause I know I just can't stay

Here in heaven

Time can bring you down

Time can bend your knee

Time can break your heart

Have you begging please

Begging please

(instrumental)

Beyond the door

There's peace I'm sure.

And I know there'll be no more...

Tears in heaven

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven

Will it be the same

If I saw you in heaven

I must be strong, and carry on

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

This song carries the sorrow of a father who loss his 4 year old son. He stopped singing this song when he stop feeling the pain.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tears_in_Heaven

Raising Helen

Courtesy of WIKIPEDIA

Helen Harris has a successful fashion career and a decent Manhattan lifestyle. There are plenty in terms of keeping her occupied and content. Suddenly, Helen's world soon has a big change to it when she hears the news that her sister Lindsay and brother in law Paul have died. She and her other sister Jenny are in shock when they hear Lindsay & Paul left Helen in charge of their three kids 15-year-old Audrey, 10-year-old Henry, and five-year-old Sarah. Convinced she can raise the kids and maintain her already fast-paced schedule, Helen quickly finds herself burnt out and disheartened by Jenny's lack of faith. Despite her already hectic schedule, however, Helen finds the time to develop a genuine affection for her new dependents, as well as an equally genuine attraction to Dan Parker, the kids' school principal and local Lutheran pastor. Eventually Helen realizes she can't balance the two lives, and is faced with a difficult decision, her fashion career or her nieces and nephew.

Review: This show is worth watching because of the theme and moral behind it. The acting so good and the plot is funny.

Dear Friends...

Dear friends,

due to personal reasons that i will only reveal if you ask, i have changed my chinese name. However, i am still registered as GOH SHIAU LING, a Malaysian.

My new Chinese name is 翘伶。

However, you can still call me with my english name...

So feel free to choose...

Kepala Batas

I will be going to Kepala Batas for the Inter-state English Drama Competition... Therefore, I would not be playing my Facebook or blogging...

Search for Kepala Batas... and you will get this information... "home town of Malaysia's Fifth Prime Minister"... Wikipedia it and all you get is that Kepala Batas is in Seberang Perai Utara...

We will be staying in Sri Malaysia, Kepala Batas... Look up for that... And you will find out that it is the first hotel of the Sri Malaysia chain... No photo of the rooms and only one picture of the frontal view of the hotel...

Really can not complain much... at least our accommodation is paid for and not by MR W.

Names...

Patricke with an E...
Marx with a X...
Ash for Pokemon...
Calyn with a LYN...

last of all,
Kelly with a smile...

Genting...

Never ever go up to Genting on a public holiday expecially when it's followed up by a week of school holiday... It was crowded and ya, full of people... Mostly non-Malaysians to note...

Those days, when my bro and me were young, my parents would accompany us... Using the family package... But my mom can't stand sitting roller coasters so she often carry the bag of snacks and help us line up for other rides while we were playing others...

well, today i had to do almost the same thing... My bro and cousin bro asked me to hold their jacket while they go on the rides... all because i could not ride on it... somehow, i was so patient that i just sat there and wait...

Nowadays, my parents would give us cash to buy the outdoor ticket and snacks that we want to eat and leave us to play... they would be in the casino trying to "earn" some cash... sometimes, i will fight with my bro as to which ride to sit first... there was even once when he got sick after i made him sit a ride with me...

we could not sit much rides as we wanted or how many times because of the long queue... but of course, there are funny moments like, when my bro made us sit the kids' rides such as flying elephant and teacup... or when we sat flumb ride more than once and we never left our boat...

all in all, it was kinda fun except the waiting part...

I'm Back...

... with my laptop...

for many who did not know, my laptop was left in my tuition center following a decision by my tutor to study at home without the distraction.

it did help a little bit, but at least i studied. but without it for more than a week, it was torturous.

anyway, my mum asked me to leave my laptop there during SPM. i think it's a good idea... I hope...

Trials...

Trials and tribulation. Words we often hear from friends, parents and elders.

What are they?? Trials and tribulations are actually God's way of making us to who we are. It may be hard and tough, nothing like a walk in the park. But at the end of it, we turn out to be just fine.

Of course, what i am suppose to be saying is, my SPM trials are coming up. So, i might not be able to update as much as i would like to.

So, that's all for now. Good luck everybody.

100th Post

Welcome all, to my 100th post. I'm not really sure how it came up to 100 but that's what it states.

What is so special with the hundred posts i have wrote??

Well, it contains almost what happened for the past 2 years. It also contains my feelings and thoughts throughout the whole course of problem. It showed how i tried to handle my problems.

100 posts. It shows the difference in how i handle my problems over the year.

It also shows how i much have i grown from the past year.

100 post... Time to grow up and be an independant woman.

Reality and Dreams

the title reminds me of one of the themes from the novel, the PEARL...

anyway, i think i have exhausted myself... cause when i sleep... i've usually done the things i normally do... only to wake up knowing the day has only just started...

sometimes, it's really terrible... cause, there you are... so happy because you have done a lot for the day and only to realize it has only been a dream...

oh... and another observation... whatever that happens in the dream does not happen during the daytime...

so... there you have it... me, not being able to distinguish reality from dream...

Out of place...

Recently, i always feel out of place. As if i don't belong anywhere.

i am always talking to myself because no one is listening to me. Perhaps only in tuition i feel as though i am alive. And even that is with friends from other school.

WHY??

i have always felt like i don't belong anywhere.

So out of place...

Violence to resolve??

to all my friends, sorry about crying yesterday... it's just not about the cake but lots of other stuffs...

They can't even give an explaination as to why we can't bring cakes to school...

I feel like punching his fucking face... what reason were you giving?? you just trying to make us wrong...what the place would be dirty, the school's image will be ruined...

i mean, bringing the cake to school will be like sharing food among friends... what's wrong with that...

so feel like burning his car... punch him in his fucking face... smash the cake at his face...

but violence won't be able to solve such things... it will lessen the humiliation...

Haiz...

so, yesterday this friend of mine kena WWF by his friend... the funny part about it, he was not even playing...

anyway, his ear started bleeding... actually his ear was teared a bit...

then... MY HEART SANK... when i saw one of my junior just sitting there as if there was nothing going on...

so, while i was compressing the bleeding part, qiao en was scolding the 2 boys that played... the tutors started coming out... and my junior still did nothing...

literally, MY HEART SANK...

anyway, Mr koh sent him to the nearest hospital a.k.a UH... by the time we reached there, he stopped bleeding...

so, we went to the triage area and waited for half an hour... no one was there... it was very frustrating cause no one was there, and they took a long time...

when someone finally came, he said oh, small matter only... WTF... his name also starts with fak...

so after registering, we went to the waiting area... and walked past the influenza-like symptoms area... imagine... someone who has to get to the waiting area has to walk past the influenza waiting area... no wonder people get sick going to the hospital..

actually i tagged along to see him stitched up... but then again, i had tuition so i went back with mr koh...

don't know how he is now... but i think he'll be ok besides the fact that he is afraid of blood...

anyway, wish he'll be ok and fine...

Friendship

Friends are like ships, they come and go...

Friends that i can't keep, are friends that used to be so close, so close that it hurts me so much to lose them... but then again, we have different attitudes, different opinions... i've hurt them as much as they have hurt me...

then, you get friends that come into your life as a whole new type... types that you have never met before in your life... you get to flirt with them, feel so pampered with them... and most of all, feel protected...

Friends from just acquaintance to friends to best friends to close friends... some stop half-way, some continue to the end till you are the closest of friends...

Friends come and go, therefore, there is no need to try to keep each other if there's no more feeling between... it'll hurt even more...

to my supportive friends, thank you very much for being there for me... your shoulder itself helped me through a lot... i may lose my temper sometimes, but i don't want to lose you guys...

to my used to be close friends, many unhappy things have happened between us... so i won't try to keep you guys... cause doing that, i feel really hurt and sad that you ignore my existence...

to my new friends, i feel pampered with you guys... though you may not know it, but just your smile can light up my day... hope we could get closer...

Friends forever, i hope it can be true...

What's going on?

SPM and Trials are coming up...

Drama finale might be postpone...

Tuition from afternoon to night... Tuesday to Saturday...

Laughed too much just so not to feel sad...

Can only memorize the first cabaran of the Wawasan 2020...

I guess that's all for now...

Installation...

so i was suppose to write yesterday... but the minute i hit the car... i was asleep till this morning...

Installation... the day to officially step down and retire... the day where we were suppose to cry but ended up laughing... the last perjumpaan after 5 years...

the form 3s did a very good job yesterday... we were all laughing and enjoying ourselves... we didn't cry ~excuse fangyin, she was just remembering all we have done~ for once... i enjoyed the installation... thank you guys...

for all the presents i received... thank you for all the effort put in by you guys... i will take care of it real well... it will be kept in a safe place from my brother's hand...

so, wishes to my juniors...

Form 4 : we might not have been on good terms since you guys joined... but all in all, we want the best for you guys... now that you guys are taking over... we want the best of you guys... you have prove to us all... that when united, you guys are unbeatable... so... good luck and prosper our society to greater heights... i'll come back to see you guys soon... don't miss too much of us yea...

Form 3 : you guys did a very very excellent job... you have proven to yourself that you can do things... just be a bit more cooperative... we took you guys in... of course, we want to see a united form... though we all might not be that close... but we all do want the best from you guys...

Form 2 : nothing much to say... cause we're really not that close... just get more people to join your form... that's the only problem you guys have... oh.. and remember your first aid... you are going to be seniors next year.. need to know lots of things...

Form 1 : my most beloved juniors... at first, i was reluctant to teach you guys but in the end i was glad i changed my mind and taught you guys... though mok always scold me for pampering you guys too much... i guess he does that too to you guys... teaching you guys also allowed me to learn lots of stuff... during each perjumpaan, i am always full with joy and laughter... you guys were sporting enough to reply everything we say, joining in any activities we do... thank you guys... always remember the sisters and brothers ya...

to all, i apologize for any words or actions that i have done and said that might have hurt you guys in any way... for all, thank you guys for always being there for me when i needed... i will always be there too for you guys... just give me a call... anytime of the day... maybe besides schooling hours... in final... thank you to all including the seniors for all the support and advice...

HAPPY INSTALLATION...

WHAT!

when i see people around me getting stressed over things...
i feel like going over to tell them that things will be alright...

but alas!
i do not have the authority or respect to do such thing...

i ask myself...
who am i to do that?

even if i do go over and tell them thing will be alright...
will they appreciate or treat it as an insult to them?

in the end...
i stay away from friends, from people...

i maybe selfish...
but that's just to protect my broken heart...

whenever i hate someone...
the only thing that can change that thought...
is others' opinion about that someone...
it changes my mindset...
to understand the reason for that person...
to act so selfishly and stubbornly...

What am I doing?

Oh gosh... what am i doing??

i'm going gaga over someone i've met and talked to just once... plus.. he is a TKD pro... from Canada...

Oh gosh... why am i like that? it's like i can't get over him since i met him...

Something is seriously wrong with me...

The Return..

Ello... I'm back... like after one and a half months... long but at least it's not dead yet... just coma...

anyway... gonna be kinda busy over the week and weekend...

first there's the ICTO where i'm the LO therefore... must stay awake and ALERT for more than 12 hours...

then the form 5s are gonna retire soon... must start preparing and do all the filing that i have stopped doing since last year...

hmm... what else??

oh.. there's the drama competition in august... we have to practice real hard... and the part i dislike the most... training the new sloth that has attitude problem...

i think that's all for now... will try to update as soon as possible...

Relay For Life and everything else...

Ok...i was suppose to update my blog long long time ago... anyway got caught up searching for free ebooks like pygmalion and the tragic history of doctor faustus that i gotten lazy to write... anyway... i'm writing now and it should be a long post with so much to write...

xxxxxxxx Relay For Life xxxxxxx

so i went for relay for life which was held last weekend in conjunction with world no tobacco day... so i reached there at 2 and went round giving out the tags.... met up with Irene, the person in charge of volunteers and got a briefing... what we were suppose to do was help out at the luminaria until say 8.30 with a bunch of other institute people and do whatever we want until the next morning after the final lap only clean up the stadium except the F&B area...

what really happened was.... we helped other place until 5pm... given a briefing, everyone was given until 6pm to do whatever they want and gather again... they were separated to help the track and the counter... i with a few other friends helped out at the counter first... at 7 pm those in charge of the track were given shovels and the bags to place round the track... so the others help out at the counter... until the next day... the luminaria counter become our resting place...

it was fun helping at the counter... almost everyone was working very hard and still enjoying the fun... hoong wayne and chan fatt helped a lot... miaw ying, jo anne, xiu man, zi ning were the girl powers of the day... daniel, wei guan, wen jian, xian an, shou le, min soon with chan fatt and hoong wayne were the best male power you should see... they listened to orders and help out as much as they can yet still enjoying themselves.. those name that i did not mentioned... i know you did work but i did not see you at the counter much often so i can not remember...

after praising those that worked hard... time to express my disappointment in some members... the form 5 guys except shou le and jian phan... they did not go for the briefing... came later than the others... leave in the middle of the night without informing us... talk rudely to jian phan... do not respect us aka me and jian phan... and did not help out at all... and still think they own the world... the form 4 girls which just sat around without helping or even asking....

the best thing of the whole thing... mango ice blended...

xxxxxxxx You Came Back xxxxxxx

well, sort of... mum bought me another watch in replacement for the one i lost in Banting... same price, lighter in colour and weight but overall still has the same feel....

xxxxxxx 17 and 17 again xxxxxxx

i am totally in love with mark gold or other words ZAC EFRON...

Review : Zac efron acting as a thirty years old man in a 17 year old body has really brought out his acting skills... the way he portrayed the character with all the emotion of regret and hope, the way he try to get out of messy situation whenever he says the wrong thing... shows the fact that 3 HSM is not where he shows his true talent... in this show, he still gets to dance, play basketball and act... either his acting skill has improved tremendously or HSM has covered his talents... we'll never know...

a show worth watching in the cinema when everybody laughs with you...

xxxxxxx New Shoes and everything else xxxxxxx

My mum bought me a new pair of shoes and a bag... so happy...

a pair of high heels that is golden in colour and 2 inch high... using it for my drama... yeah... finally got a pair of high heels that are high...

the bag is of jeans material... with a few pockets... miscalculated the price but never mind... i got a new bag... guess i need to sort through my cupboard full of bags to discard some...

xxxxxxx Gatherings xxxxxxx

so yesterday just went for a gathering with the form 5s... watched 2 movies... night at the museum 2 and 17 again... quite fun... and then watched the jingcao members and mok and shou le bowl... and went for a really brisk shopping with chia li.. she was looking for a t-shirt... and she found it at seed... kind of desperate there...

by the way, at seed... i saw this really look a like of danson tang...i mean... i was shocked... so i think it was destiny for chia li to buy that shirt and go to the cashier to pay... erm... he's a cashier... OMG.... really looked like danson tang... especially the side view... i didn't say anything until we got out of the store and i was like, chia li, the cashier look like tang yu zhe right... and she said yeah.... she was shocked too... maybe i will go there and buy clothes so i can see him more often... so syok sendiri...

anyway... i thought i could go out with 6M of 2004 but the organizer said too few people going therefore will postpone it to after the exam... haiz... but what to do... rockstars cannot attend...

there is going to be a gathering with 5S7 on the 10th of june... and i have already plan my timing so that i can go without forgetting my studies...

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

ok, that is all for now... i will update as soon as possible...

May

first of all... i'm not studying moral and chinese just to blog about this month....

xxxxxxx Please Come Back To Me xxxxxxx

We had been together for 3 months... you understood me... you were there by my side every time i needed... everytime i feel i am not worthy of you, you make me feel wanted... we went on trips together: Pulau Pangkor and Banting... at first, i didn't believe in you... but you showed me loyalty... everytime i get mad at you, you just keep quiet...

I'm sorry i left you in Banting... i didn't mean to... please come back to me... i really need you back...

xxxxxxxx Destiny xxxxxxxx

"Girls, could you help clean the hall please. Thanks." that was what you said with an accent... well you ARE cute looking and tall and handsome but not dark...

anyway... you stood beside me... and ya... everytime you have a drastic movement... i can see it... like your punches are way wrong... you wipe the floor before you sit down... and your forward stunt is real big...

so... when i first saw you... i was like, cute guy cute guy... then your accent... anyway i know you're chinese and you have a chinese name which i don't know... woohoo...

so... curious i am about your name... i see if we are destined to meet again... or it's perhaps just a chance meeting... anyway nice meeting you...

xxxxxxx Grandmaster Park xxxxxxxx

the greatest man of taeguek... my salutes to you grandmaster park... at the age of 77, you are traveling around the world... 62 years in taekwondo... involved in the creation of taeguek and the man who invented higher black belts taeguek... thanks for your teachings today... i've learned more than i could ever learn should i only attend every sundays...

ok... now the not so serius part... he does not pronounce his english... and his english is like konglish... being from korea and sort... anyway could overall understand... reminds me of when i was in japan and i'm surrounded by lots of people who tries real hard to speak english to me...

Kamsahamnida

xxxxxxxx Exam xxxxxxxx

Anyway promised myself, su lynn and sharon and perhaps su saint to attend all the exams this term... no matter how much i suck in almost every subject... at least i made the effort to go to school and take the exams...

ok... people, do remind me if i forget to study during the holidays cause i promised myself that on days that i have nothing on, i'll go library and study... hopes it works well... and the subjects after the holidays don't suck so much... gambateh...

xxxxxxxx Drama xxxxxxx

i'm proud to announce that CHS Drama Team is the Selangor Champion... which means we are going Penang for the nationals... Hip, hip hurray... ok... i very syok sendiri larh...

anyway... guys and gals from the drama team... please send me the videos and pictures k?

and someone remind sloth to do the t-shirt please... oh... and edward cullen won't be joining us this time... sad wei but life must still go on...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

that's all for now.... further updates later ya... goodbye...

May life

May!! a new time for a new life...

well maybe not so new... but definitely a time to change...

i'm told to write good things and to think positively... so here goes...

mr william praised me for my acting... and the best of all... he says me and wai leem were the best... team work man...

i can vibrato a bit... but better than before when i totally can't vibrato...

i'm going prom... woohoo...

and i'm trying hard to prove myself to mok... wish me luck people...

anyway going pangkor tomorrow... a vacation to forget unhappy stuff...

oh and sports duty tomorrow... to all fellow marchers... please don't faint... i know the speech is like freaking long... but just take it as rock and roll music to the ears...

haha... anyway... leaving old town white coffee soon...

chiao...

Second Chance

I want a second chance but i don't think i deserve it... i screw up every chances given to me...

i fall down easier than i stand up...

the wall i build keeps crumbling down...

and everytime i try to climb up the hole i fell into... people push me right down again...

i can't accept who i am... or the fact that i am a below average person that many dislikes...

i try so hard to prove myself... but to who?? family?? friends??

after a while, i realize, it's to prove that there are reasons to leave and that i can do things...

no one recognize me as who i am, my attitude and my choices...

even i can't do that... to the extend of ending my own life...

feelings are chosen to potray... who am i??

remove all the cheerfulness, and smiles and laughter... remove all the emotions i do when i'm upset, remove my whatever accomplishments i have... i am nothing...

i want a second chance but i'm too tired to go on living like this... coming to school, trying to skip all the classes, not doing homework... just going on like that...

i see no future or who i am now...

Second chance?? i think not...

Oh Gosh!

Exam is close to over with EST tomorrow... I'm so free i'm doing personality test on the website i just found... anyway, i did so many that it'll be impossible to upload on my blog... and i think i'll keep it private...

oh gosh... i cram up my whole next week.. kinda... let's start:
april 8 : Viola Exam... have not been really practicing...
april 9 : Drama Competition... also have not been practicing
april 10 : SPBT trip to Bagan Lalang... and gosh it's expensive for a day trip... have not done much contribution to it... got quite tired and bored...
april 11 : Marching Competition... Gambate to all who's participating...
what a tight schedule... hope i can handle it...

oh and what else?? let me think about it...

gosh.. i can't...

guess you guys should always check my blog for updates...

Haha...

Get to know yourself better

ddid this test on this website... you could check it out

:http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Future ME??

i guess most of you guys know about futureme...

futureme.org is a place where you could send a future letter to yourself or anyone else... remember it's a future letter that requires 90 days to process...

the founders matt and jay founded it thinking it's kinda cool to receive a letter from your past on how you think you'll turn out to be in perhaps in a years time.

FutureMe.org is based on the principle that memories are less accurate than emails, they strive for accuracy.

you could check it out on http://www.futureme.org/... but please remember to sign up k... you could even read public but anonymous letters from others.

anyway, i wrote 3 letters to my future self, based on what i hope i could become...

i think it's worth checking it out since who knows what will happen to you...

it's also a reminder of how we wish to become someone or who we want to be...

you would always picture yourself years later... so why not send a future letter telling the future you what you were doing now or how is your personality now...

so... check it out dear readers...

This Week!!

Hey guys...

good news! i've attended the exams this week... i never did skip a day no matter how much i would like too...

anyway... i fulfilled my promise to a guy friend that i'll come for my exams... whooopee...

but there is still 2 days of exam... haiz.... i'll try to study during the holidays lorh...

ok.... i know some of you guys are wondering about my other blog... so here goes...
www.slingmystory.blogspot.com
or you can actually view it from my profile...

ok... that's all for now...

thanks...

Coming up soon!!

Hey guys!!

Since exam is ending, i'm gonna try to start writing...

so i actually have my first very short script...

anyway.... the reason i'm writing this is just to ask you guys to check out my other blog where i try to put up stories... that i've written a long time ago...

for the latest one ~which i still haven't upload yet~ it's like a summary... and i am kinda hoping you guys to tell me what you were thinking when you were reading it...

so check it out maybe during the holidays...

thanks...

Pocketful of Sunshine

got a pocket,
got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love that knows that it's all mine
oh.oh,oh
Do what you want,
but you never gonna break me,
sticks and stone are never gonna shake me
oh,oh,oh

Take me away
A secret place
A sweet escape
Take me away
Take me away
To better days
Take me away
A hiding place

I got pocket,
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love that knows that it's all mine
oh,oh,oh

Wish that you could,
but you ain't gonna own me
do anything you can to control me
oh,oh,oh

There's a place that I go
That nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there's no more lies
And darkness is light
And nobody cries
there's only butterflies

The sun's on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be alright

POV: Friends

it's the end of the month again. still, things haven't change for the better... anyway, i think i just post something more positive this time...

Definition: (my POV)

Best friend : someone who is always there for you no matter how hard you try to shut people off. someone you share common interest with.

Close friend : someone who REALLY sticks by you no matter how stupid you acted and knows what you are facing. someone who just stops you from falling deeper with moderate encouragements and a lot of scolding. someone who just makes you feel safe.

Good friend : -someone who would not stop you from growing and expanding your talents

Friend's friend : -someone who you could communicate with and always happens to turn your
world right side up at the time when everything seems bleak.

So which type do you think you are to your friends??

OR you could do your own definition of friends...

a relationship between people are very subjective that there are no wrongs or rights in one... there is no definite way of how someone should have a relationship....

GOOD LUCK IN EVERYTHING YOU DO! ESPECIALLY IN RELATIONSHIPS!!

My Old Blog

I deleted my old blog... on myspace..

Reason??

1. I was a stupid stupid girl with stupid stupid way of thinking and my stupidity of me thinking i can express my thoughts on the blog... i acted stupidly at times and behave stupidly... in conclusion, i was and still am a stupid stupid girl who do stupid stupid stuff...

2. i want to forget those unhappy stuff that happened though some are still happening... anyway, just one of the way to forget about stuff...

3. I'm using Blogspot as my blog area... therefore there is no such need to have a not to date blog...

i read through my blog and realized that my thinking over the years have sort of changed... my old blog was always so cheerful, so happy and so grateful... i was always announcing to the world important dates...

Nowadays, i write about my feeling, my thinking... more of a record of my feeling...

plus i guess no one wants to read about my thinking as it's never important...

so happy living!!

遗憾。。。

今天看着你对我的态度，却能够很冷静的面对。很冷静的告诉你。并不害怕你会对我做什么以及所有的不满。我最近终是惹了别人的不满。

看着你的叛逆。能够了解你的感受。反正，上了form4随着也是叛逆时期。并不能怪你。也不生你的气。

我不遗憾看着你叛逆。并不伤心。
但是，我遗憾对seniors曾经有叛逆过。伤心无法向seniors说声对不起。

Haiz...

I'm very sad and frustrated and 'fui' already...

is that all of me only??

a fucking loser, a nobody, a rubbish, a stupid reckless girl??

i feel like giving up everything i have now and just leave this world...

friendship, studies, societies and dreams...

everything i do is wrong... EVERYTHING... nothing i do is right to the norm of the society...

maybe i can't accept the fact that time have changed... that a person can't happily be a nobody... that a nobody is equal to a fucking loser... that people nowadays sees only the outside... that everybody is a person by themselves... that i'm useless...

people can't get everything that they want... but i can't get anything i want...

i'm not doing the trip cause one, nobody is supporting me except lik chin, two, this year's plan is a total chaos... and three, i was told to think of others... so i let the trip go... no matter how much i feel like doing it...

i realised that the friends i thought i could not rely on turns out to be the only friends i can rely on... thanks Sharon, su lynn, su saint and lik chin... and other friends :weil shern, rachel, wei guan, wei liang, win yen and chia li... thanks you guys...

i shouldn't find X for opinions... X will say no to everything and give excuses... no matter how much the idea she give is good...

at this time... i have no one to talk to about how i'm feeling without hurting both parties' feeling...

so feel like crying... NO!! i must be strong... i must hurt back those that hurt me before... i must be strong to be brave and beat others...

Worried??

Why do i get so worried over other people?? some people actually scold me whenever i'm so worrying over them...

but the messages he sent kinds of remind me of what i was last year... i do not want to see him walking down the wrong path...

but because of our status... i can't really go and help him... my friends would scold me for involving myself in his problems...

but all i want is to see him being himself and happy again...

So, YES!
I'm worried about him...
and i want to help him as much as he allows...

what now??

since i'm going to express my feelings therefore the language used might be the best way to describe how i feel...

Damn lonely now... i mean what's up with the loneliness... with friends chatting in the chat group and games available...

What's wrong with me?? why do i feel like i wasted my whole 16 years of my life... like i never had an impact on anyone or change something... it's like i'm totally useless... no use at all...

whenever i read or know about what others are doing... i'm always wondering... why didn't i do it... or they are so lucky...

maybe dreams are too far... but nowadays dream is the only thing that is keeping me alive... that one day i will succeed and laugh back at those who teased me... that i could crush their lives the same way they did to me... that i could make an impact on the world...

what's wrong with me?? i want a new chance to have a better life... is it too much to ask??

i'm keeping stuff more to myself nowadays... as i realised whatever i want to do receive objections from my family... even talking is like a crime... i didn't know a conversation could be that hurtful, that painful, that pathetic until now...

a conversation started by me could be thrown back with thorns, stones, sticks, knives, forks, hammer, pick axe... you name every sharp object and you will get the picture...

am i really that useless?? can't i at least do anything right?? is there really nothing that i'm good with that can be recognised by people??

can i say something without being criticised for being me??

can there be a place in the world for me?? can i be accepted??

I want to be a someone...
someone that people remember for who they are and not what they are...

I still...

I still hate Chinese New Year...

although it brings holidays... yet i still hate it...

i don't hate it as a new year but i hate those pretence during the whole period...

everyone is like 'happy chinese new year' and so on...

that's why i'm upstairs in my room... and blogging...

i just hate being downstairs with my cousins... they never think before saying stuff... they are adults yet sometimes they behave very childish...

whatever larh...

i still hate them and won't care about them....

and i still hate chinese new year...

I realised...

I realised that because of my stubbornness... i missed out a lot of things...

but then i realised too that... if i was there... i would have been lonely...

then... i realised that my friends would not be happy with me there...

in the end...

i realised... i hate myself... i hate being like that...

i realised... i still disliked them... that i sometimes hate myself for being around them...

i realised... i loss my friends... or whatever they are... cause i don't want to care about how they treat me anymore...

i realised... i have no true friends at all...

i realised... all my dreams will only be dreams...

i realised... nothing good seems to happened to me...

and i realised you are reading my blog... thank you...

Updating... Hari GERKO...

Ok... so my friend was telling me to update my blog cause i've not been on for like years...

ok... yesterday was Hari GERKO... which means duty... anyway... i was late for the first half of school... then when i reached after recess... i stayed in the hall until school finish... with half the class missing... only Pn. Sim could still teach... a cheers for her...

anyway... it was tiring as i walked the whole hall... asking people whether they are interested... so here's my final dialog... after many tries...
请问你们知道什么是SPBT吗？你们的课本就是我们提供的。我们现在在招生。你们有兴趣吗？一年只有三次meeting，年头年尾忙而以。有兴趣吗？你可以先拿我们的risalah去考虑先。谢谢。

that's was what i said almost the whole day...

next, i want to congrat the Form 3s on a work well done... although you may not have reached the target set... but you have done your best...

成功不在于到达了目标，而是从中学习并且获得经验。。。

你们做了很棒。。。今年的新生有重重的考虑才参加。。。所以到最后也是看到队友多少位学生会成为我们的会员。。。

不想多说。。。

不想多说，
因为怕你说我乱说。

不想多说，
因为你不听。

不想多说，
因为这是你的风格。

不想多说，
因为事情已过去了。

不想多说，
因为要让他们独立。

我是不知道为什么会这样。。。是某位senior说的。。。 他告诉我为什么一个人都没有。。。不知道是不是你安排的。。。

也许是我多嘴。。。你不告诉他们该做的事，也不插手与他们的事。。。但到底，我们还是他们的长辈。。。也应该管下他们说做的事情。。。为了自己也好，为了学会也好。。。他们所做的事情会对他们的未来有一定的影响。。。会对学会有一定的影响。。。

他们这一次还剩下一次的机会来表现自己。。。

Mum told me...

Mum told me... to tell her about how i feel... or about any problems...

Mum told me... that when all feelings are bottled up... the bottle will break...

Mum told me... when the bottle shatters... the pieces will hurt those who cared for me...

Mum told me... when the pieces hurt them... i will be the one most hurt...

Because when the bottle shatters into pieces... there will be no bottle there...

I will be all broken and hurt...

And it's hard to patch it all back...

Advices for the Year

January
Positive thinking will let you use the ability you have.

February
Three A's for excellence: Attitude, Aggressiveness and Appearance.
March
Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation.
April
When we do more than we are paid to do, eventually we will be paid more for what we do.
May
You are the only person on this earth who can use your ability.
June
Happiness is not where or when; it is here and now.
July
The five most important words are: You did a good job.
August
Keep moving if you love live, and keep your troubles well behind you.
September
If people like you, they'll listen to you, but if they trust you, they'll do business with you.
October
Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.
November
Kindness is one thing you can't give away-it always comes back.
December
Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.