100th Post

Welcome all, to my 100th post. I'm not really sure how it came up to 100 but that's what it states.

What is so special with the hundred posts i have wrote??

Well, it contains almost what happened for the past 2 years. It also contains my feelings and thoughts throughout the whole course of problem. It showed how i tried to handle my problems.

100 posts. It shows the difference in how i handle my problems over the year.

It also shows how i much have i grown from the past year.

100 post... Time to grow up and be an independant woman.

Reality and Dreams

the title reminds me of one of the themes from the novel, the PEARL...

anyway, i think i have exhausted myself... cause when i sleep... i've usually done the things i normally do... only to wake up knowing the day has only just started...

sometimes, it's really terrible... cause, there you are... so happy because you have done a lot for the day and only to realize it has only been a dream...

oh... and another observation... whatever that happens in the dream does not happen during the daytime...

so... there you have it... me, not being able to distinguish reality from dream...

Out of place...

Recently, i always feel out of place. As if i don't belong anywhere.

i am always talking to myself because no one is listening to me. Perhaps only in tuition i feel as though i am alive. And even that is with friends from other school.

WHY??

i have always felt like i don't belong anywhere.

So out of place...

Violence to resolve??

to all my friends, sorry about crying yesterday... it's just not about the cake but lots of other stuffs...

They can't even give an explaination as to why we can't bring cakes to school...

I feel like punching his fucking face... what reason were you giving?? you just trying to make us wrong...what the place would be dirty, the school's image will be ruined...

i mean, bringing the cake to school will be like sharing food among friends... what's wrong with that...

so feel like burning his car... punch him in his fucking face... smash the cake at his face...

but violence won't be able to solve such things... it will lessen the humiliation...

Haiz...

so, yesterday this friend of mine kena WWF by his friend... the funny part about it, he was not even playing...

anyway, his ear started bleeding... actually his ear was teared a bit...

then... MY HEART SANK... when i saw one of my junior just sitting there as if there was nothing going on...

so, while i was compressing the bleeding part, qiao en was scolding the 2 boys that played... the tutors started coming out... and my junior still did nothing...

literally, MY HEART SANK...

anyway, Mr koh sent him to the nearest hospital a.k.a UH... by the time we reached there, he stopped bleeding...

so, we went to the triage area and waited for half an hour... no one was there... it was very frustrating cause no one was there, and they took a long time...

when someone finally came, he said oh, small matter only... WTF... his name also starts with fak...

so after registering, we went to the waiting area... and walked past the influenza-like symptoms area... imagine... someone who has to get to the waiting area has to walk past the influenza waiting area... no wonder people get sick going to the hospital..

actually i tagged along to see him stitched up... but then again, i had tuition so i went back with mr koh...

don't know how he is now... but i think he'll be ok besides the fact that he is afraid of blood...

anyway, wish he'll be ok and fine...

Friendship

Friends are like ships, they come and go...

Friends that i can't keep, are friends that used to be so close, so close that it hurts me so much to lose them... but then again, we have different attitudes, different opinions... i've hurt them as much as they have hurt me...

then, you get friends that come into your life as a whole new type... types that you have never met before in your life... you get to flirt with them, feel so pampered with them... and most of all, feel protected...

Friends from just acquaintance to friends to best friends to close friends... some stop half-way, some continue to the end till you are the closest of friends...

Friends come and go, therefore, there is no need to try to keep each other if there's no more feeling between... it'll hurt even more...

to my supportive friends, thank you very much for being there for me... your shoulder itself helped me through a lot... i may lose my temper sometimes, but i don't want to lose you guys...

to my used to be close friends, many unhappy things have happened between us... so i won't try to keep you guys... cause doing that, i feel really hurt and sad that you ignore my existence...

to my new friends, i feel pampered with you guys... though you may not know it, but just your smile can light up my day... hope we could get closer...

Friends forever, i hope it can be true...

What's going on?

SPM and Trials are coming up...

Drama finale might be postpone...

Tuition from afternoon to night... Tuesday to Saturday...

Laughed too much just so not to feel sad...

Can only memorize the first cabaran of the Wawasan 2020...

I guess that's all for now...

Installation...

so i was suppose to write yesterday... but the minute i hit the car... i was asleep till this morning...

Installation... the day to officially step down and retire... the day where we were suppose to cry but ended up laughing... the last perjumpaan after 5 years...

the form 3s did a very good job yesterday... we were all laughing and enjoying ourselves... we didn't cry ~excuse fangyin, she was just remembering all we have done~ for once... i enjoyed the installation... thank you guys...

for all the presents i received... thank you for all the effort put in by you guys... i will take care of it real well... it will be kept in a safe place from my brother's hand...

so, wishes to my juniors...

Form 4 : we might not have been on good terms since you guys joined... but all in all, we want the best for you guys... now that you guys are taking over... we want the best of you guys... you have prove to us all... that when united, you guys are unbeatable... so... good luck and prosper our society to greater heights... i'll come back to see you guys soon... don't miss too much of us yea...

Form 3 : you guys did a very very excellent job... you have proven to yourself that you can do things... just be a bit more cooperative... we took you guys in... of course, we want to see a united form... though we all might not be that close... but we all do want the best from you guys...

Form 2 : nothing much to say... cause we're really not that close... just get more people to join your form... that's the only problem you guys have... oh.. and remember your first aid... you are going to be seniors next year.. need to know lots of things...

Form 1 : my most beloved juniors... at first, i was reluctant to teach you guys but in the end i was glad i changed my mind and taught you guys... though mok always scold me for pampering you guys too much... i guess he does that too to you guys... teaching you guys also allowed me to learn lots of stuff... during each perjumpaan, i am always full with joy and laughter... you guys were sporting enough to reply everything we say, joining in any activities we do... thank you guys... always remember the sisters and brothers ya...

to all, i apologize for any words or actions that i have done and said that might have hurt you guys in any way... for all, thank you guys for always being there for me when i needed... i will always be there too for you guys... just give me a call... anytime of the day... maybe besides schooling hours... in final... thank you to all including the seniors for all the support and advice...

HAPPY INSTALLATION...