A Thought on...

A Thought on Christmas

2010-12-26T18:37:00.004+08:00

After many years, this is the first time i am going to church to celebrate Christmas. Though this year, my family didn't do a big dinner, Christmas was awesome! WHY??

Because Harvest Gen family was there!! I spent X'mas morning and Boxing Day morning with Harvest Gen. It was AWESOME! Spending time with them, was a present from God this year.

First time ushering,really thank you to Ruf, Zoey, Ern Suey, Ivan Chong and many others for helping me. Got to meet new people and see what is ushering. Got to say "HAPPY BOXING DAY" to surprised people today.

The production team was just plain awesome!! my dad was like, is that all the church members?? i said, i guess so.. For them to be able to pull off a production, it was just amazing. The practices and people falling sick, it just show that GOD stays by our side whenever we desire that from him. I want to join next year's production, can I??

Everyone in church was just awesome!! Thanks for making my Christmas.. Couldn't think of where I would spend my Christmas without you guys.

Just going round wishing people and hugging people gave me a sense of achievements. Why?? because i am still alive in 2010 and moving on to 2011.

Would like to apologise to Andrew Tan and Chris :) For calling you guys "gay" and Andrew Tan for the 'paiseh' moment in front of your mom..

That's all for now,

Merry X'mas and a Happy New Year!!

and...

Happy Boxing day!!

A Thought on Memories

2010-12-10T01:23:00.001+08:00

你还记得我吗？

今天我看到了你，我们在同一个地方，你在东边，我在西边。可是你望我一眼，却认不出我，我对你招手，你的眼神充满了疑问。

你还记得我吗？我是谁，你知道吗？或许我只不过是你在世上认识的某个人，一点也不耀眼，也很普通。可是你知道你在我这些年的生活有多大的影响吗？因为你，我学了很多东西。因为你，我在那4天过得很开心。因为你，我勇敢去向社会踏出第一步，虽然到最后我还是放弃了。你真得不记得我吗？

是你变了，还是我变了？还是因为我曾经喜欢你，所以在茫茫人海之中看到你呢？

我在这十六年的生活，遇过了很多人，也爱过很多人。可是，我到底在多少个人的心目中有地位呢？到底还有多少个人记得我吗？

其实我很希望其他人能够记得我。每一次，我都会记得你们。路上遇到你们，都会和你打招呼。可是我不知道你是不是真的记得我。

你还记得我吗？

A Thought on Favorites (II)

2010-11-25T09:53:00.007+08:00

Just as i was saying, i would continue my post.

Now, meeting my "twin" sister, Jasmine, we discussed our favourite artist. Not to mention, she met Pastor Jaeson Ma, the celebrity pastor that brought salvation to many artist, all named the "soldier of light".

So, we started talking and lo and behold!! We love the same artists. Below is the list of artist we adore/idol/love:

1. Wang LeeHom

2. Vanness Wu

3. Choi Si Won

4. Edison Chen (not sure before or after the scandal)

5. Daniel Wu

6. and many more...

And we came to this conclusion.

WE adore guys who are

1. Good looking

2. Good body

3. Not so chinese look or western look

4. Brought up overseas ie America, Canada etc

5. and rich (not so important)

Somehow, whenever i choose to follow an artist, especially male artist, they have the same characteristics :)

So, that's it for now..

A Thought on Favorites

2010-11-23T00:21:00.005+08:00

~Long time no post, sorry sorry~

It has been known that i tend to idolize boy bands. From Meteor Garden (F4) to many others. So i decide to list my favorite boy bands (Past & Present) and my favorite member in the group.

1. F4 (Vanness Wu)

2. 5566 (Xu Meng Zhe) ( Wang Shao Wei)

3. 183 Club (Ming Dao) ( Johnny Yan)

4. Toro

5. DBSK (Max ChangMin) (UKnow YunHo)

6. Super Junior (Choi Si Won) (Han Geng) (SHIN DONG)

7. 2pm (Nichkhun)

I just realized that most groups have numbers in it :P Just coincidence??

That's it for now. I will continue the next part with my favorite singers..

A Day of Music

2010-09-05T21:44:00.002+08:00

Went to watch KLPAC and PESSBAND Music Exchange today. For someone like me who is not that into classical musics, i really enjoyed the concert.

Why, you may ask. It is because they played theme songs from movie like James Bond, Mamma Mia and Mission Impossible. Not to mention Tarzan too. So, i truly enjoyed the whole performance.

Then of course, are the viola players. I realised that before i play viola, i would look at the overall performers, but now, i concentrate more on the viola players and just peek a little at other players. So i found out that there are actually male viola players, with one towering over the others. (my brother says that guy is "gay" cause can you imagine someone so tall playing something so small!! Haha!!)

And the PESSBAND conductor was very lively. It felt like he enjoyed the songs, thus making the whole thing feel so lively too.

So, all in all. I really enjoyed the concert from a noobie's point of view.

The initials BB

2010-05-31T15:15:00.002+08:00

First of all, BB means Boys Brigade to me.. When my brother was younger, he followed my cousin brother into the boys brigade at YMCA. Dad always uses that initials whenever it is saturday as that is the day my brother has practice.

Next, BB means Balloon Bouquet (now known as Balloon Buzz at certain branches). My uncle and his wife owns this shop which now has expanded from PJ to Taipan to 1U to Bangsar. I used to help out there, thus gaining a lot of how-to in customer service and business.

Finally, BB means BAD BREATH!! this is the only thing that i hate of all.. Especially when guys have bad breath. you just cannot talk face to face, literally. If you are talking in a group, at least there is a reason to be standing some distance; but when it comes to one-2-one, it is a horrible experience.

There you have it.. What BB means in my life for now..

Cheer :)

Being FAT!!

2010-05-08T13:23:00.002+08:00

Being fat has both its advantage and disadvantage. For me, i have grown used to it. Though i secretly hoped deep down in my heart, that one day i will be able to shed of the old skin.

"I get to sit in front because i am fat", is my favorite line all time whenever i have to cram into a car full of people. You can imagine that one of me is equivalent to 2 skinny people. Thus, allowing me to enjoy the spacious seat beside the driver.

The joy of getting praise to how i can dance the samba is precious. Mainly because i am fat, my bottoms move a lot with a small movement, giving it the flow and curviness of dancing samba. Obviously, being fat does not stop me from dancing.

However, people always say unpleasant things to me. Such as, :"you can't do this lar, too fat" or "Don't do it, it is only for skinny people." I admit, i lack the stamina to do many sports, but that should not hinder me from doing things i know i can do it.

Eventhough i love dancing, i have to admit something. It is that even able to dance, i usually can never fit into the costume. Many a times, i have to squeeze into a really tight dress, or expose the flabby arms i have.

Certain sports require alertness or being fast; however, sports that allows you to dance at your own pace are those that i can do. Simply because i am able to set my own timing, giving me the sense of accomplishment whenever i finish doing it. Such are Taekwondo and Latin dancing.

In conclusion, i have been fat for so long that i got used to things. Eventhough i might not be the best dancer or best sportie, i love doing those things because i am enjoying myself.

When you enjoy yourself,
EVERYTHING is POSSIBLE!!

Appreciation

2010-02-28T21:43:00.003+08:00

For this past few years of my life, God has been showing to me what wonderful parents i have.

He keeps reminding me that my parents really care and love for me and that i should not take them for granted.

Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton

2009-12-16T00:35:00.003+08:00

http://www.lyrics007.com/Eric%20Clapton%20Lyrics/Tears%20In%20Heaven%20Lyrics.html

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven

Will it be the same

If I saw you in heaven

I must be strong, and carry on

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven

I'll find my way, through night and day

Cause I know I just can't stay

Here in heaven

Time can bring you down

Time can bend your knee

Time can break your heart

Have you begging please

Begging please

(instrumental)

Beyond the door

There's peace I'm sure.

And I know there'll be no more...

Tears in heaven

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven

Will it be the same

If I saw you in heaven

I must be strong, and carry on

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

This song carries the sorrow of a father who loss his 4 year old son. He stopped singing this song when he stop feeling the pain.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tears_in_Heaven

Raising Helen

2009-12-09T16:58:00.004+08:00

Courtesy of WIKIPEDIA

Helen Harris has a successful fashion career and a decent Manhattan lifestyle. There are plenty in terms of keeping her occupied and content. Suddenly, Helen's world soon has a big change to it when she hears the news that her sister Lindsay and brother in law Paul have died. She and her other sister Jenny are in shock when they hear Lindsay & Paul left Helen in charge of their three kids 15-year-old Audrey, 10-year-old Henry, and five-year-old Sarah. Convinced she can raise the kids and maintain her already fast-paced schedule, Helen quickly finds herself burnt out and disheartened by Jenny's lack of faith. Despite her already hectic schedule, however, Helen finds the time to develop a genuine affection for her new dependents, as well as an equally genuine attraction to Dan Parker, the kids' school principal and local Lutheran pastor. Eventually Helen realizes she can't balance the two lives, and is faced with a difficult decision, her fashion career or her nieces and nephew.

Review: This show is worth watching because of the theme and moral behind it. The acting so good and the plot is funny.

Dear Friends...

2009-11-12T00:59:00.002+08:00

Dear friends,

due to personal reasons that i will only reveal if you ask, i have changed my chinese name. However, i am still registered as GOH SHIAU LING, a Malaysian.

My new Chinese name is 翘伶。

However, you can still call me with my english name...

So feel free to choose...

Kepala Batas

2009-10-18T22:05:00.002+08:00

I will be going to Kepala Batas for the Inter-state English Drama Competition... Therefore, I would not be playing my Facebook or blogging...

Search for Kepala Batas... and you will get this information... "home town of Malaysia's Fifth Prime Minister"... Wikipedia it and all you get is that Kepala Batas is in Seberang Perai Utara...

We will be staying in Sri Malaysia, Kepala Batas... Look up for that... And you will find out that it is the first hotel of the Sri Malaysia chain... No photo of the rooms and only one picture of the frontal view of the hotel...

Really can not complain much... at least our accommodation is paid for and not by MR W.

Names...

2009-10-02T20:24:00.000+08:00

Patricke with an E...
Marx with a X...
Ash for Pokemon...
Calyn with a LYN...

last of all,
Kelly with a smile...

Genting...

2009-09-22T01:17:00.003+08:00

Never ever go up to Genting on a public holiday expecially when it's followed up by a week of school holiday... It was crowded and ya, full of people... Mostly non-Malaysians to note...

Those days, when my bro and me were young, my parents would accompany us... Using the family package... But my mom can't stand sitting roller coasters so she often carry the bag of snacks and help us line up for other rides while we were playing others...

well, today i had to do almost the same thing... My bro and cousin bro asked me to hold their jacket while they go on the rides... all because i could not ride on it... somehow, i was so patient that i just sat there and wait...

Nowadays, my parents would give us cash to buy the outdoor ticket and snacks that we want to eat and leave us to play... they would be in the casino trying to "earn" some cash... sometimes, i will fight with my bro as to which ride to sit first... there was even once when he got sick after i made him sit a ride with me...

we could not sit much rides as we wanted or how many times because of the long queue... but of course, there are funny moments like, when my bro made us sit the kids' rides such as flying elephant and teacup... or when we sat flumb ride more than once and we never left our boat...

all in all, it was kinda fun except the waiting part...

I'm Back...

2009-09-20T10:02:00.003+08:00

... with my laptop...

for many who did not know, my laptop was left in my tuition center following a decision by my tutor to study at home without the distraction.

it did help a little bit, but at least i studied. but without it for more than a week, it was torturous.

anyway, my mum asked me to leave my laptop there during SPM. i think it's a good idea... I hope...

Trials...

2009-09-04T11:51:00.002+08:00

Trials and tribulation. Words we often hear from friends, parents and elders.

What are they?? Trials and tribulations are actually God's way of making us to who we are. It may be hard and tough, nothing like a walk in the park. But at the end of it, we turn out to be just fine.

Of course, what i am suppose to be saying is, my SPM trials are coming up. So, i might not be able to update as much as i would like to.

So, that's all for now. Good luck everybody.

100th Post

2009-08-28T17:34:00.003+08:00

Welcome all, to my 100th post. I'm not really sure how it came up to 100 but that's what it states.

What is so special with the hundred posts i have wrote??

Well, it contains almost what happened for the past 2 years. It also contains my feelings and thoughts throughout the whole course of problem. It showed how i tried to handle my problems.

100 posts. It shows the difference in how i handle my problems over the year.

It also shows how i much have i grown from the past year.

100 post... Time to grow up and be an independant woman.

Reality and Dreams

2009-08-28T00:34:00.003+08:00

the title reminds me of one of the themes from the novel, the PEARL...

anyway, i think i have exhausted myself... cause when i sleep... i've usually done the things i normally do... only to wake up knowing the day has only just started...

sometimes, it's really terrible... cause, there you are... so happy because you have done a lot for the day and only to realize it has only been a dream...

oh... and another observation... whatever that happens in the dream does not happen during the daytime...

so... there you have it... me, not being able to distinguish reality from dream...

Out of place...

2009-08-22T09:35:00.002+08:00

Recently, i always feel out of place. As if i don't belong anywhere.

i am always talking to myself because no one is listening to me. Perhaps only in tuition i feel as though i am alive. And even that is with friends from other school.

WHY??

i have always felt like i don't belong anywhere.

So out of place...

Violence to resolve??

2009-08-18T11:32:00.002+08:00

to all my friends, sorry about crying yesterday... it's just not about the cake but lots of other stuffs...

They can't even give an explaination as to why we can't bring cakes to school...

I feel like punching his fucking face... what reason were you giving?? you just trying to make us wrong...what the place would be dirty, the school's image will be ruined...

i mean, bringing the cake to school will be like sharing food among friends... what's wrong with that...

so feel like burning his car... punch him in his fucking face... smash the cake at his face...

but violence won't be able to solve such things... it will lessen the humiliation...

Haiz...

2009-08-13T10:01:00.002+08:00

so, yesterday this friend of mine kena WWF by his friend... the funny part about it, he was not even playing...

anyway, his ear started bleeding... actually his ear was teared a bit...

then... MY HEART SANK... when i saw one of my junior just sitting there as if there was nothing going on...

so, while i was compressing the bleeding part, qiao en was scolding the 2 boys that played... the tutors started coming out... and my junior still did nothing...

literally, MY HEART SANK...

anyway, Mr koh sent him to the nearest hospital a.k.a UH... by the time we reached there, he stopped bleeding...

so, we went to the triage area and waited for half an hour... no one was there... it was very frustrating cause no one was there, and they took a long time...

when someone finally came, he said oh, small matter only... WTF... his name also starts with fak...

so after registering, we went to the waiting area... and walked past the influenza-like symptoms area... imagine... someone who has to get to the waiting area has to walk past the influenza waiting area... no wonder people get sick going to the hospital..

actually i tagged along to see him stitched up... but then again, i had tuition so i went back with mr koh...

don't know how he is now... but i think he'll be ok besides the fact that he is afraid of blood...

anyway, wish he'll be ok and fine...

Friendship

2009-08-10T19:37:00.002+08:00

Friends are like ships, they come and go...

Friends that i can't keep, are friends that used to be so close, so close that it hurts me so much to lose them... but then again, we have different attitudes, different opinions... i've hurt them as much as they have hurt me...

then, you get friends that come into your life as a whole new type... types that you have never met before in your life... you get to flirt with them, feel so pampered with them... and most of all, feel protected...

Friends from just acquaintance to friends to best friends to close friends... some stop half-way, some continue to the end till you are the closest of friends...

Friends come and go, therefore, there is no need to try to keep each other if there's no more feeling between... it'll hurt even more...

to my supportive friends, thank you very much for being there for me... your shoulder itself helped me through a lot... i may lose my temper sometimes, but i don't want to lose you guys...

to my used to be close friends, many unhappy things have happened between us... so i won't try to keep you guys... cause doing that, i feel really hurt and sad that you ignore my existence...

to my new friends, i feel pampered with you guys... though you may not know it, but just your smile can light up my day... hope we could get closer...

Friends forever, i hope it can be true...

What's going on?

2009-08-06T17:50:00.002+08:00

SPM and Trials are coming up...

Drama finale might be postpone...

Tuition from afternoon to night... Tuesday to Saturday...

Laughed too much just so not to feel sad...

Can only memorize the first cabaran of the Wawasan 2020...

I guess that's all for now...

Installation...

2009-08-02T18:34:00.002+08:00

so i was suppose to write yesterday... but the minute i hit the car... i was asleep till this morning...

Installation... the day to officially step down and retire... the day where we were suppose to cry but ended up laughing... the last perjumpaan after 5 years...

the form 3s did a very good job yesterday... we were all laughing and enjoying ourselves... we didn't cry ~excuse fangyin, she was just remembering all we have done~ for once... i enjoyed the installation... thank you guys...

for all the presents i received... thank you for all the effort put in by you guys... i will take care of it real well... it will be kept in a safe place from my brother's hand...

so, wishes to my juniors...

Form 4 : we might not have been on good terms since you guys joined... but all in all, we want the best for you guys... now that you guys are taking over... we want the best of you guys... you have prove to us all... that when united, you guys are unbeatable... so... good luck and prosper our society to greater heights... i'll come back to see you guys soon... don't miss too much of us yea...

Form 3 : you guys did a very very excellent job... you have proven to yourself that you can do things... just be a bit more cooperative... we took you guys in... of course, we want to see a united form... though we all might not be that close... but we all do want the best from you guys...

Form 2 : nothing much to say... cause we're really not that close... just get more people to join your form... that's the only problem you guys have... oh.. and remember your first aid... you are going to be seniors next year.. need to know lots of things...

Form 1 : my most beloved juniors... at first, i was reluctant to teach you guys but in the end i was glad i changed my mind and taught you guys... though mok always scold me for pampering you guys too much... i guess he does that too to you guys... teaching you guys also allowed me to learn lots of stuff... during each perjumpaan, i am always full with joy and laughter... you guys were sporting enough to reply everything we say, joining in any activities we do... thank you guys... always remember the sisters and brothers ya...

to all, i apologize for any words or actions that i have done and said that might have hurt you guys in any way... for all, thank you guys for always being there for me when i needed... i will always be there too for you guys... just give me a call... anytime of the day... maybe besides schooling hours... in final... thank you to all including the seniors for all the support and advice...

HAPPY INSTALLATION...

WHAT!

2009-07-31T21:22:00.003+08:00

when i see people around me getting stressed over things...
i feel like going over to tell them that things will be alright...

but alas!
i do not have the authority or respect to do such thing...

i ask myself...
who am i to do that?

even if i do go over and tell them thing will be alright...
will they appreciate or treat it as an insult to them?

in the end...
i stay away from friends, from people...

i maybe selfish...
but that's just to protect my broken heart...

whenever i hate someone...
the only thing that can change that thought...
is others' opinion about that someone...
it changes my mindset...
to understand the reason for that person...
to act so selfishly and stubbornly...

What am I doing?

2009-07-23T17:02:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh... what am i doing??

i'm going gaga over someone i've met and talked to just once... plus.. he is a TKD pro... from Canada...

Oh gosh... why am i like that? it's like i can't get over him since i met him...

Something is seriously wrong with me...

The Return..

2009-07-20T11:55:00.004+08:00

Ello... I'm back... like after one and a half months... long but at least it's not dead yet... just coma...

anyway... gonna be kinda busy over the week and weekend...

first there's the ICTO where i'm the LO therefore... must stay awake and ALERT for more than 12 hours...

then the form 5s are gonna retire soon... must start preparing and do all the filing that i have stopped doing since last year...

hmm... what else??

oh.. there's the drama competition in august... we have to practice real hard... and the part i dislike the most... training the new sloth that has attitude problem...

i think that's all for now... will try to update as soon as possible...

Relay For Life and everything else...

2009-06-06T12:25:00.004+08:00

Ok...i was suppose to update my blog long long time ago... anyway got caught up searching for free ebooks like pygmalion and the tragic history of doctor faustus that i gotten lazy to write... anyway... i'm writing now and it should be a long post with so much to write...

xxxxxxxx Relay For Life xxxxxxx

so i went for relay for life which was held last weekend in conjunction with world no tobacco day... so i reached there at 2 and went round giving out the tags.... met up with Irene, the person in charge of volunteers and got a briefing... what we were suppose to do was help out at the luminaria until say 8.30 with a bunch of other institute people and do whatever we want until the next morning after the final lap only clean up the stadium except the F&B area...

what really happened was.... we helped other place until 5pm... given a briefing, everyone was given until 6pm to do whatever they want and gather again... they were separated to help the track and the counter... i with a few other friends helped out at the counter first... at 7 pm those in charge of the track were given shovels and the bags to place round the track... so the others help out at the counter... until the next day... the luminaria counter become our resting place...

it was fun helping at the counter... almost everyone was working very hard and still enjoying the fun... hoong wayne and chan fatt helped a lot... miaw ying, jo anne, xiu man, zi ning were the girl powers of the day... daniel, wei guan, wen jian, xian an, shou le, min soon with chan fatt and hoong wayne were the best male power you should see... they listened to orders and help out as much as they can yet still enjoying themselves.. those name that i did not mentioned... i know you did work but i did not see you at the counter much often so i can not remember...

after praising those that worked hard... time to express my disappointment in some members... the form 5 guys except shou le and jian phan... they did not go for the briefing... came later than the others... leave in the middle of the night without informing us... talk rudely to jian phan... do not respect us aka me and jian phan... and did not help out at all... and still think they own the world... the form 4 girls which just sat around without helping or even asking....

the best thing of the whole thing... mango ice blended...

xxxxxxxx You Came Back xxxxxxx

well, sort of... mum bought me another watch in replacement for the one i lost in Banting... same price, lighter in colour and weight but overall still has the same feel....

xxxxxxx 17 and 17 again xxxxxxx

i am totally in love with mark gold or other words ZAC EFRON...

Review : Zac efron acting as a thirty years old man in a 17 year old body has really brought out his acting skills... the way he portrayed the character with all the emotion of regret and hope, the way he try to get out of messy situation whenever he says the wrong thing... shows the fact that 3 HSM is not where he shows his true talent... in this show, he still gets to dance, play basketball and act... either his acting skill has improved tremendously or HSM has covered his talents... we'll never know...

a show worth watching in the cinema when everybody laughs with you...

xxxxxxx New Shoes and everything else xxxxxxx

My mum bought me a new pair of shoes and a bag... so happy...

a pair of high heels that is golden in colour and 2 inch high... using it for my drama... yeah... finally got a pair of high heels that are high...

the bag is of jeans material... with a few pockets... miscalculated the price but never mind... i got a new bag... guess i need to sort through my cupboard full of bags to discard some...

xxxxxxx Gatherings xxxxxxx

so yesterday just went for a gathering with the form 5s... watched 2 movies... night at the museum 2 and 17 again... quite fun... and then watched the jingcao members and mok and shou le bowl... and went for a really brisk shopping with chia li.. she was looking for a t-shirt... and she found it at seed... kind of desperate there...

by the way, at seed... i saw this really look a like of danson tang...i mean... i was shocked... so i think it was destiny for chia li to buy that shirt and go to the cashier to pay... erm... he's a cashier... OMG.... really looked like danson tang... especially the side view... i didn't say anything until we got out of the store and i was like, chia li, the cashier look like tang yu zhe right... and she said yeah.... she was shocked too... maybe i will go there and buy clothes so i can see him more often... so syok sendiri...

anyway... i thought i could go out with 6M of 2004 but the organizer said too few people going therefore will postpone it to after the exam... haiz... but what to do... rockstars cannot attend...

there is going to be a gathering with 5S7 on the 10th of june... and i have already plan my timing so that i can go without forgetting my studies...

xxxxxxx xxxxxxx

ok, that is all for now... i will update as soon as possible...

May

2009-05-28T23:57:00.004+08:00

first of all... i'm not studying moral and chinese just to blog about this month....

xxxxxxx Please Come Back To Me xxxxxxx

We had been together for 3 months... you understood me... you were there by my side every time i needed... everytime i feel i am not worthy of you, you make me feel wanted... we went on trips together: Pulau Pangkor and Banting... at first, i didn't believe in you... but you showed me loyalty... everytime i get mad at you, you just keep quiet...

I'm sorry i left you in Banting... i didn't mean to... please come back to me... i really need you back...

xxxxxxxx Destiny xxxxxxxx

"Girls, could you help clean the hall please. Thanks." that was what you said with an accent... well you ARE cute looking and tall and handsome but not dark...

anyway... you stood beside me... and ya... everytime you have a drastic movement... i can see it... like your punches are way wrong... you wipe the floor before you sit down... and your forward stunt is real big...

so... when i first saw you... i was like, cute guy cute guy... then your accent... anyway i know you're chinese and you have a chinese name which i don't know... woohoo...

so... curious i am about your name... i see if we are destined to meet again... or it's perhaps just a chance meeting... anyway nice meeting you...

xxxxxxx Grandmaster Park xxxxxxxx

the greatest man of taeguek... my salutes to you grandmaster park... at the age of 77, you are traveling around the world... 62 years in taekwondo... involved in the creation of taeguek and the man who invented higher black belts taeguek... thanks for your teachings today... i've learned more than i could ever learn should i only attend every sundays...

ok... now the not so serius part... he does not pronounce his english... and his english is like konglish... being from korea and sort... anyway could overall understand... reminds me of when i was in japan and i'm surrounded by lots of people who tries real hard to speak english to me...

Kamsahamnida

xxxxxxxx Exam xxxxxxxx

Anyway promised myself, su lynn and sharon and perhaps su saint to attend all the exams this term... no matter how much i suck in almost every subject... at least i made the effort to go to school and take the exams...

ok... people, do remind me if i forget to study during the holidays cause i promised myself that on days that i have nothing on, i'll go library and study... hopes it works well... and the subjects after the holidays don't suck so much... gambateh...

xxxxxxxx Drama xxxxxxx

i'm proud to announce that CHS Drama Team is the Selangor Champion... which means we are going Penang for the nationals... Hip, hip hurray... ok... i very syok sendiri larh...

anyway... guys and gals from the drama team... please send me the videos and pictures k?

and someone remind sloth to do the t-shirt please... oh... and edward cullen won't be joining us this time... sad wei but life must still go on...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

that's all for now.... further updates later ya... goodbye...

May life

2009-05-07T20:58:00.002+08:00

May!! a new time for a new life...

well maybe not so new... but definitely a time to change...

i'm told to write good things and to think positively... so here goes...

mr william praised me for my acting... and the best of all... he says me and wai leem were the best... team work man...

i can vibrato a bit... but better than before when i totally can't vibrato...

i'm going prom... woohoo...

and i'm trying hard to prove myself to mok... wish me luck people...

anyway going pangkor tomorrow... a vacation to forget unhappy stuff...

oh and sports duty tomorrow... to all fellow marchers... please don't faint... i know the speech is like freaking long... but just take it as rock and roll music to the ears...

haha... anyway... leaving old town white coffee soon...

chiao...

Second Chance

2009-04-16T16:55:00.002+08:00

I want a second chance but i don't think i deserve it... i screw up every chances given to me...

i fall down easier than i stand up...

the wall i build keeps crumbling down...

and everytime i try to climb up the hole i fell into... people push me right down again...

i can't accept who i am... or the fact that i am a below average person that many dislikes...

i try so hard to prove myself... but to who?? family?? friends??

after a while, i realize, it's to prove that there are reasons to leave and that i can do things...

no one recognize me as who i am, my attitude and my choices...

even i can't do that... to the extend of ending my own life...

feelings are chosen to potray... who am i??

remove all the cheerfulness, and smiles and laughter... remove all the emotions i do when i'm upset, remove my whatever accomplishments i have... i am nothing...

i want a second chance but i'm too tired to go on living like this... coming to school, trying to skip all the classes, not doing homework... just going on like that...

i see no future or who i am now...

Second chance?? i think not...

Oh Gosh!

2009-03-23T20:46:00.002+08:00

Exam is close to over with EST tomorrow... I'm so free i'm doing personality test on the website i just found... anyway, i did so many that it'll be impossible to upload on my blog... and i think i'll keep it private...

oh gosh... i cram up my whole next week.. kinda... let's start:
april 8 : Viola Exam... have not been really practicing...
april 9 : Drama Competition... also have not been practicing
april 10 : SPBT trip to Bagan Lalang... and gosh it's expensive for a day trip... have not done much contribution to it... got quite tired and bored...
april 11 : Marching Competition... Gambate to all who's participating...
what a tight schedule... hope i can handle it...

oh and what else?? let me think about it...

gosh.. i can't...

guess you guys should always check my blog for updates...

Haha...

Get to know yourself better

2009-03-23T19:36:00.002+08:00

ddid this test on this website... you could check it out

:http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Future ME??

2009-03-21T19:11:00.002+08:00

i guess most of you guys know about futureme...

futureme.org is a place where you could send a future letter to yourself or anyone else... remember it's a future letter that requires 90 days to process...

the founders matt and jay founded it thinking it's kinda cool to receive a letter from your past on how you think you'll turn out to be in perhaps in a years time.

FutureMe.org is based on the principle that memories are less accurate than emails, they strive for accuracy.

you could check it out on http://www.futureme.org/... but please remember to sign up k... you could even read public but anonymous letters from others.

anyway, i wrote 3 letters to my future self, based on what i hope i could become...

i think it's worth checking it out since who knows what will happen to you...

it's also a reminder of how we wish to become someone or who we want to be...

you would always picture yourself years later... so why not send a future letter telling the future you what you were doing now or how is your personality now...

so... check it out dear readers...

This Week!!

2009-03-14T00:43:00.002+08:00

Hey guys...

good news! i've attended the exams this week... i never did skip a day no matter how much i would like too...

anyway... i fulfilled my promise to a guy friend that i'll come for my exams... whooopee...

but there is still 2 days of exam... haiz.... i'll try to study during the holidays lorh...

ok.... i know some of you guys are wondering about my other blog... so here goes...
www.slingmystory.blogspot.com
or you can actually view it from my profile...

ok... that's all for now...

thanks...

Coming up soon!!

2009-03-12T21:08:00.002+08:00

Hey guys!!

Since exam is ending, i'm gonna try to start writing...

so i actually have my first very short script...

anyway.... the reason i'm writing this is just to ask you guys to check out my other blog where i try to put up stories... that i've written a long time ago...

for the latest one ~which i still haven't upload yet~ it's like a summary... and i am kinda hoping you guys to tell me what you were thinking when you were reading it...

so check it out maybe during the holidays...

thanks...

Pocketful of Sunshine

2009-03-08T18:56:00.003+08:00

got a pocket,
got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love that knows that it's all mine
oh.oh,oh
Do what you want,
but you never gonna break me,
sticks and stone are never gonna shake me
oh,oh,oh

Take me away
A secret place
A sweet escape
Take me away
Take me away
To better days
Take me away
A hiding place

I got pocket,
Got a pocket full of sunshine
I got a love that knows that it's all mine
oh,oh,oh

Wish that you could,
but you ain't gonna own me
do anything you can to control me
oh,oh,oh

There's a place that I go
That nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there's no more lies
And darkness is light
And nobody cries
there's only butterflies

The sun's on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be alright

POV: Friends

2009-02-28T23:07:00.006+08:00

it's the end of the month again. still, things haven't change for the better... anyway, i think i just post something more positive this time...

Definition: (my POV)

Best friend : someone who is always there for you no matter how hard you try to shut people off. someone you share common interest with.

Close friend : someone who REALLY sticks by you no matter how stupid you acted and knows what you are facing. someone who just stops you from falling deeper with moderate encouragements and a lot of scolding. someone who just makes you feel safe.

Good friend : -someone who would not stop you from growing and expanding your talents

Friend's friend : -someone who you could communicate with and always happens to turn your
world right side up at the time when everything seems bleak.

So which type do you think you are to your friends??

OR you could do your own definition of friends...

a relationship between people are very subjective that there are no wrongs or rights in one... there is no definite way of how someone should have a relationship....

GOOD LUCK IN EVERYTHING YOU DO! ESPECIALLY IN RELATIONSHIPS!!

My Old Blog

2009-02-22T22:48:00.002+08:00

I deleted my old blog... on myspace..

Reason??

1. I was a stupid stupid girl with stupid stupid way of thinking and my stupidity of me thinking i can express my thoughts on the blog... i acted stupidly at times and behave stupidly... in conclusion, i was and still am a stupid stupid girl who do stupid stupid stuff...

2. i want to forget those unhappy stuff that happened though some are still happening... anyway, just one of the way to forget about stuff...

3. I'm using Blogspot as my blog area... therefore there is no such need to have a not to date blog...

i read through my blog and realized that my thinking over the years have sort of changed... my old blog was always so cheerful, so happy and so grateful... i was always announcing to the world important dates...

Nowadays, i write about my feeling, my thinking... more of a record of my feeling...

plus i guess no one wants to read about my thinking as it's never important...

so happy living!!

遗憾。。。

2009-02-14T00:55:00.002+08:00

今天看着你对我的态度，却能够很冷静的面对。很冷静的告诉你。并不害怕你会对我做什么以及所有的不满。我最近终是惹了别人的不满。

看着你的叛逆。能够了解你的感受。反正，上了form4随着也是叛逆时期。并不能怪你。也不生你的气。

我不遗憾看着你叛逆。并不伤心。
但是，我遗憾对seniors曾经有叛逆过。伤心无法向seniors说声对不起。

Haiz...

2009-02-09T00:59:00.003+08:00

I'm very sad and frustrated and 'fui' already...

is that all of me only??

a fucking loser, a nobody, a rubbish, a stupid reckless girl??

i feel like giving up everything i have now and just leave this world...

friendship, studies, societies and dreams...

everything i do is wrong... EVERYTHING... nothing i do is right to the norm of the society...

maybe i can't accept the fact that time have changed... that a person can't happily be a nobody... that a nobody is equal to a fucking loser... that people nowadays sees only the outside... that everybody is a person by themselves... that i'm useless...

people can't get everything that they want... but i can't get anything i want...

i'm not doing the trip cause one, nobody is supporting me except lik chin, two, this year's plan is a total chaos... and three, i was told to think of others... so i let the trip go... no matter how much i feel like doing it...

i realised that the friends i thought i could not rely on turns out to be the only friends i can rely on... thanks Sharon, su lynn, su saint and lik chin... and other friends :weil shern, rachel, wei guan, wei liang, win yen and chia li... thanks you guys...

i shouldn't find X for opinions... X will say no to everything and give excuses... no matter how much the idea she give is good...

at this time... i have no one to talk to about how i'm feeling without hurting both parties' feeling...

so feel like crying... NO!! i must be strong... i must hurt back those that hurt me before... i must be strong to be brave and beat others...

Worried??

2009-02-02T16:03:00.002+08:00

Why do i get so worried over other people?? some people actually scold me whenever i'm so worrying over them...

but the messages he sent kinds of remind me of what i was last year... i do not want to see him walking down the wrong path...

but because of our status... i can't really go and help him... my friends would scold me for involving myself in his problems...

but all i want is to see him being himself and happy again...

So, YES!
I'm worried about him...
and i want to help him as much as he allows...

what now??

2009-01-31T01:31:00.005+08:00

since i'm going to express my feelings therefore the language used might be the best way to describe how i feel...

Damn lonely now... i mean what's up with the loneliness... with friends chatting in the chat group and games available...

What's wrong with me?? why do i feel like i wasted my whole 16 years of my life... like i never had an impact on anyone or change something... it's like i'm totally useless... no use at all...

whenever i read or know about what others are doing... i'm always wondering... why didn't i do it... or they are so lucky...

maybe dreams are too far... but nowadays dream is the only thing that is keeping me alive... that one day i will succeed and laugh back at those who teased me... that i could crush their lives the same way they did to me... that i could make an impact on the world...

what's wrong with me?? i want a new chance to have a better life... is it too much to ask??

i'm keeping stuff more to myself nowadays... as i realised whatever i want to do receive objections from my family... even talking is like a crime... i didn't know a conversation could be that hurtful, that painful, that pathetic until now...

a conversation started by me could be thrown back with thorns, stones, sticks, knives, forks, hammer, pick axe... you name every sharp object and you will get the picture...

am i really that useless?? can't i at least do anything right?? is there really nothing that i'm good with that can be recognised by people??

can i say something without being criticised for being me??

can there be a place in the world for me?? can i be accepted??

I want to be a someone...
someone that people remember for who they are and not what they are...

I still...

2009-01-25T19:52:00.004+08:00

I still hate Chinese New Year...

although it brings holidays... yet i still hate it...

i don't hate it as a new year but i hate those pretence during the whole period...

everyone is like 'happy chinese new year' and so on...

that's why i'm upstairs in my room... and blogging...

i just hate being downstairs with my cousins... they never think before saying stuff... they are adults yet sometimes they behave very childish...

whatever larh...

i still hate them and won't care about them....

and i still hate chinese new year...

I realised...

2009-01-24T21:13:00.002+08:00

I realised that because of my stubbornness... i missed out a lot of things...

but then i realised too that... if i was there... i would have been lonely...

then... i realised that my friends would not be happy with me there...

in the end...

i realised... i hate myself... i hate being like that...

i realised... i still disliked them... that i sometimes hate myself for being around them...

i realised... i loss my friends... or whatever they are... cause i don't want to care about how they treat me anymore...

i realised... i have no true friends at all...

i realised... all my dreams will only be dreams...

i realised... nothing good seems to happened to me...

and i realised you are reading my blog... thank you...

Updating... Hari GERKO...

2009-01-17T16:49:00.002+08:00

Ok... so my friend was telling me to update my blog cause i've not been on for like years...

ok... yesterday was Hari GERKO... which means duty... anyway... i was late for the first half of school... then when i reached after recess... i stayed in the hall until school finish... with half the class missing... only Pn. Sim could still teach... a cheers for her...

anyway... it was tiring as i walked the whole hall... asking people whether they are interested... so here's my final dialog... after many tries...
请问你们知道什么是SPBT吗？你们的课本就是我们提供的。我们现在在招生。你们有兴趣吗？一年只有三次meeting，年头年尾忙而以。有兴趣吗？你可以先拿我们的risalah去考虑先。谢谢。

that's was what i said almost the whole day...

next, i want to congrat the Form 3s on a work well done... although you may not have reached the target set... but you have done your best...

成功不在于到达了目标，而是从中学习并且获得经验。。。

你们做了很棒。。。今年的新生有重重的考虑才参加。。。所以到最后也是看到队友多少位学生会成为我们的会员。。。

不想多说。。。

2009-01-04T18:35:00.003+08:00

不想多说，
因为怕你说我乱说。

不想多说，
因为你不听。

不想多说，
因为这是你的风格。

不想多说，
因为事情已过去了。

不想多说，
因为要让他们独立。

我是不知道为什么会这样。。。是某位senior说的。。。他告诉我为什么一个人都没有。。。不知道是不是你安排的。。。

也许是我多嘴。。。你不告诉他们该做的事，也不插手与他们的事。。。但到底，我们还是他们的长辈。。。也应该管下他们说做的事情。。。为了自己也好，为了学会也好。。。他们所做的事情会对他们的未来有一定的影响。。。会对学会有一定的影响。。。

他们这一次还剩下一次的机会来表现自己。。。

Mum told me...

2009-01-03T14:30:00.003+08:00

Mum told me... to tell her about how i feel... or about any problems...

Mum told me... that when all feelings are bottled up... the bottle will break...

Mum told me... when the bottle shatters... the pieces will hurt those who cared for me...

Mum told me... when the pieces hurt them... i will be the one most hurt...

Because when the bottle shatters into pieces... there will be no bottle there...

I will be all broken and hurt...

And it's hard to patch it all back...

Advices for the Year

2009-01-01T11:03:00.003+08:00

January
Positive thinking will let you use the ability you have.

February
Three A's for excellence: Attitude, Aggressiveness and Appearance.
March
Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation.
April
When we do more than we are paid to do, eventually we will be paid more for what we do.
May
You are the only person on this earth who can use your ability.
June
Happiness is not where or when; it is here and now.
July
The five most important words are: You did a good job.
August
Keep moving if you love live, and keep your troubles well behind you.
September
If people like you, they'll listen to you, but if they trust you, they'll do business with you.
October
Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.
November
Kindness is one thing you can't give away-it always comes back.
December
Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Another Camp...

2008-12-28T00:16:00.002+08:00

for the first time i celebrated Christmas in a 佛堂... the whole thing started on the 21st of December...

21st: for the first time i went to the camp meeting in a 佛堂... it was a very quiet meeting... i mean literally... only a few was speaking during the meeting... or when a person other than the few others, no one wants to listen... and please someone tell me... is the programs for the camp more important than whether to wear school uniform to take group??

22nd: my friend was late fetching me to the venue... so when we reached there... the comp com was not very happy... the schedule for the day was late... cause we didn't get the stuff needed to make the camp booklet... as we were late... so my senior went and got the stuff... then i had vegetarian 广东炒... it was terrible... too wet... then we had a rehearsal for the opening ceremony... not every was there yet so some people were temporary replaced... being a 辅导员, we don't really have to prepare much stuff cause we have to take care fo the kids... most of the kids arrived at night, the day before the camp... rushing the camp booklet until even after dinner... bathed at night... wait i think it is in the morning...

23rd: woke up early for the first time during the holiday... did a 开班礼... kowtow for the first time... falling asleep after the kowtow... don't know why so tired... by the time finished the ritual it was breakfast... very oily lerh...

PS: kinda lazy to continue writing... so i just write about my feelings lorh...

it was a new experience to help out in this kids camp... i somehow saw the younger versions of our teenagers nowadays... perhaps worse... i met new friends... and saw leng zai... i became a vegetarian for at least 4 days... not bad you know... doesn't feel so heavy as when you eat meat...

actually not much to write cause it's 2 in the morning... and i'm watching this dumb soldier movie... so... erm i think that's all...

过冬

2008-12-21T14:00:00.002+08:00

Isn't 过冬 suppose to be when the whole family comes together to make 汤圆?

I woke up this morning to hear my parents chatting... It was 8.30am already... no sign of anyone else...

then i went back to sleep and woke up again at 11am... still no signs of my cousins...

until now... no one has been here... and all the 汤圆 has been cooked... and i had my share of it too...

why won't you guys spend your time to be here... Mama is here for you to care for...

no matter how busy you guys have been... this festival is only once a year like many others... just come back to visit her...

each of us have our own family to care for... but what about those that cared for us when we were younger... those that protects us from harm... who only wants to see you but you have been busy...

take some time out... be with your family... will it kill to spend at least one day in month with your parents??

i may be a kid... but i can see... you are parents yourselves... would you want your kids to treat you the way you are treating your parents now??

百善孝为先
filial piety as the first of the hundreds deed

Update!

2008-12-18T19:21:00.002+08:00

Shiau Ling is finally 1st Dan after like 3 years... Passed with a C... ~ok larh... my average marks for all my grading...~

Shiau Ling got a new laptop... ACER... so now she doesn't have to fight with the family to bring the laptop to school...

Shiau Ling went to PC Fair and saw lots of leng zai gor gor... too bad she didn't dare to take their number and her camera is under repair...

Shiau Ling is changing her room's layout... to be able to bring the laptop in... hehe...

that's all for now... Shiau Ling will be back soon...

A Friend's Advice to Me

2008-12-17T22:02:00.000+08:00

每个人都有优点和缺点。
没有一个人的缺点会多过优点。
你这样认为，
是因为你的想法是负面的，
明白吗？
相信你自己！
只要你好好的和一个人沟通，
当你好好的沟通的同时，
你的思想不要一直往不好的去想。
这样的沟通，
你会发觉到这个世界是多么的完美，
还有很多人都在关心你的。。。

Four Days.

2008-12-11T00:54:00.003+08:00

Four days of camp just went by like that. not much to say and not much to regret.

But before that, i would like to apologise to the form 4s for my behaviour. i admit i shouldn't have lose my cool. i shouldn't have walked away from you guys. but by walking away, only then it doesn't hurt so much.

ok, back to camp...

although the 4 days i wasn't really happy, but at least there were days where i was really happy...

i now have 3 spoiled bikes.. so i know now never to bring my bikes to school, because they always get spoiled there...

i learned that i can do things myself... give me time then i shall finish it... i managed to solve the videos problem... although if i tried early, it would not have taken 2 hours sitting in starbucks.. my connection was down then...

things are not always what they seem... it takes time and heart to go deeper into it... so why can't i be like others? no matter how much i try, it seems like it is unappreciated or wrong... but somewhere deep in my heart, i feel a need to accompany him... where else others were chasing me away...

i realize, how much times has change... you guys have thaught me what i've never known... how naive i was to think you guys were naive...

i felt tension between two people... regardless of who they are... i could sense where things were going to... i wanted to try to stop it from happening... yet it happened... but what do i care... you have always been that way... there is no use changing you...

i tried turning stone hearted to them... but yet when i really need a group of people to chat with... they were there... those that i try to keep away from me...

when i was walking with him, talking with him, though i didn't reveal too much of myself... somehow i felt comforted... there was no form 4 available to talk to... they were all busy with the preparation... who am i suppose to talk with??

i realize, maybe talking is my specialty... all i could do is talk... but somehow... i know what to tell and what not to tell... i know the limits of speech i should have... i don't worry about myself, i think from their point of view... maybe that's why no one accepts me...

being a loser is not that bad actually... being a loser means you can help another person who is going through the same situation as you had experience... you can help them just the way you wanted someone to comfort you, to guide you and to bring you past the obstacle...

having a mask is hard, having a thick armor is harder... but it is all to protect myself... somehow, it is never thick enough... it still hurts like hell...

i promise myself never to cry infront of people... i never did... maybe i should never solve any problem but just run away from it... after all, i would be the person to blame...

who needs to BBQ chicken wings?? find me, for i can stick the chicken wings on to the stick... and you will have a nice chicken wing to eat...

i'm gonna keep my helping hands to myself... say i'm selfish or anything else... but you are no way better than me...

people who love to smile... usually have problems... they love to keep things to themselve... not wanting to involve any other party... because they believe that their problem should never involve anyone else...

i'm going to forget all the problems i kept in my heart... they have been kept so long in my heart that for once, i can't remember what the problem is... i know there is a problem that is clinging... yet i can't say it... so like a cobswebs i'm sweeping you away from my heart...

i'm going to forget about you guys and forget everything that had happened... not thoroughly, but still going to forget... that is the only way to break free from everything... the only way to be the simple minded person i was before...

in conclusion, i found out more about myself... i found out more about others... i had lessons i never knew would be thaught to me...

~LEGACY~you would always be remembered...

What To Write??

2008-11-27T13:09:00.002+08:00

Yo Guys! and girls...

i'm out of ideas about what to write now that i got kinda lazy and bit more mad to write..

i mean, if i were to write everyday... it would be a long entry...

so i just sleep my feelings over and wake up to another day of getting mad... haiz...

so WHAT am i suppose to write??

你在聆听吗？

2008-11-06T21:57:00.003+08:00

我有时觉得自己总不够好。自己是笨的。或者你真是太聪明了。

后来，我发现了为什么会是这样。

因为你根本不在聆听，甚至不在听。有可能吗？有太大的可能。

听，是用耳朵听，脑来分析。
聆听，是用耳朵听，脑来分析，眼睛来观看，心来听话中所被隐藏的感情。

你根本就不听。

我明白你不是我，我也不是你。我不要求你来了解我。虽然心多么的想，却知道你是冷心的。

我和你活在不同的世界。也许因为你够绝，你没想过其他人的感受。你只是想到自己的利益。根本没想过只要你的耳朵就已经够了。不需要你的否认或赞成，只需知道你有在听。

也许你真的很聪明，所以样样都被赞成。就因为这样，你没试过样样还没被听，就已经否认了。

你不在听，所以我知道你不在聆听。听，这么容易的事，你都做不了，更何况是聆听呢。

我累了。我不想继续聆听，不想装成没事，不想付出，不想被人放弃，不想继续笑，不想为它而活。

我想为自己而活，我想把我的心关上，我想要有选择。

你在聆听吗？

Truths 2

2008-10-30T22:56:00.002+08:00

Some truth should never be told,
Some truth should be told as a lie,
Some lies should be told as a truth.

Some truths must never be known,
Some truths must be told as a lie,
Some truths must be a secret.

Hide the truth and secrets and lies.

Tell the truth and secrets and lies.

Choose wisely.
Choose carefully.
Choose what's best.

Truths 1

2008-10-30T22:40:00.002+08:00

Hey guys! want to hear some secret?? or secrets??

Scroll down to find out about it...

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the secret is... ~if you still want to know then scroll down more~

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1) to heavy for me to bear...
2) something that will remain as a secret... and not to be told...
3) something i will forever keep with me...

Predicted Future Love Life

2008-10-29T00:31:00.004+08:00

~Here's the story... i went to 1-u today to watch HSM3... though reluctant at first... but it was a nice show with relatively good seats... so anyway... after watching... we said... hey! the plot is so predictable but with a bit more drama in it... so i said i think i can predict my senior year... so we talked about it until it went to love life...~

These are the future love life i predicted... ~not 101% guarantee it will come true~ ~and it's the simplified version~ ~i DO welcome any new ideas~

Su Lynn:
She will keep falling in love with the wrong guy... either doesn't like her or has a girlfriend... she will meet her future husband who really loves her... and she loves him too...

Sharon Lai:
She will not get a boyfriend until she finish university... because she is "Puan Joyce's Daughter"... and secondary mates will surely follow her until university... however, she falls in love with a guy... who despised her in secondary cause pn Joyce caught his pants and hair...

Su Saint:
She will not have a boyfriend until she starts working... her husband will be someone who is as good as her and has good sportsmanship... to be able to compare with her... and is a doctor...

Jia Xin:
She will be a queen guide... in other words... a slimer version of ms margerat... She will have a man in her life but they are not married... and they stay together...

Sze Geet:
She will find someone who really really loves and really really cares for her...

Kai Boon:
He will be the world's most wanted bachelor... CEO of a top company... something related to chicken...

Wei Lian:
He becomes manlier/finds out he is gay/has a masculine wife... ~pick one~

Weil Shern:
His wife would be a hardworking girl... and a girl who can enjoy life... ~hopefully we are still friends then~

Shen Wen:
Her husband has to be an athletic guy...

Jin Yee:
He will continue playing in the orchestra... he will meet his future wife in orchestra... she is one of the top player in her section... he likes to pamper her...

Mun Keat:
He will be acting... therefore meeting his future wife... she can be sporting/typical housewife... but surely not Koe Yeet...

that's for now... any new ideas are welcomed...

~this is meant as a topic of discussion... nothing to do with the future of anyone above...~

it's all over...

2008-10-22T15:25:00.002+08:00

it's all over now... i no longer have to suffer this misery... and uncertainty...

no more sleepless night... it's finally over...

i feel free now... no more worries about tomorrow...

i don't have to bend down under its powerful arm... i don't have to tell myself it's gonna be okay... because it's not okay...

i don't have to pretend i'm alright...

it's all over...

finally over...

the school exam is over...

Rain rain

2008-10-21T20:47:00.002+08:00

Rain rain... don't go away...
but please rain bigger...

it has been raining for the past few days... good news...

i mean... it's not hot... it's windy... it's cool... and my natural air cond is on...

but... it's raining drops... and drops... not really a heavy downpour...

humans are humans... we complain too much... when it is hot... we want rain... when it is raining... we want sun...

Still beating fast...

2008-10-18T23:42:00.002+08:00

want to hear a very drama thing... ok... it happened in midvalley 5 hours ago...

the queue for the cinema ticket was short... so anyway... out of something... i decide to walk the whole stretch... until my bro took short cut larh... anyway... instead of bending down... my bro just took off the string...

so i turned around to pass the end part of the string to my aunt... and when i turned back to the front... i saw him... his brownish hair... his smirk...

i sort of got stunt... you know when you see someone you liked before... suddenly appearing in front of you after 4 years...

i will never forget him... he has grown taller... but still has that handsome look... much more handsome now...

so it was kinda awkward... i just shot a short smile... i don't know whether he remembers me or not... he did smile back at me... i love his smile... so mesmerizing...

i didn't dare to say hi to him... damn awkward... so when we cut the line shorter again, i was the last one holding the end part... so i just past to him lorh... and still smile at him...

my heart was beating very fast... it wouldn't slow down after that also... though he was standing behind me... i just talk to my bro...

anyway... my heart is still beating fast... even now... it felt so like a drama... to turn around and see him... and to see him smile at me...

My PMR last year

2008-10-13T13:32:00.002+08:00

today is the f3's PMR... good luck to all...

time really flies by... just last year this time... i was taking MY PMR exam... all the few months of preparation just for the 5 days... the anxious sleepless night... the prayers for luck... the shaking hands with friends for luck... the group studying...

and it all ended in the 5 days... we were free... well just for few months... but we were free at last...

we enjoyed our holidays... we sat together and talk... we got the whole rc room to ourselves... well, at least when seniors and juniors are not around... we played games together... we did so many things...

then... results day came... we had a meeting in the morning... so we were early in school... after meeting... we start chatting among ourselves... some were going out after results came out...

11 o'clock came... we were asked to enter the hall... my heart was beating faster by the minute... hands were turning cold... well... it was not just me...

of course... malaysians will always be late... the results were given late... so we waited and waited... until we started falling asleep...

the principal went up the stage many times... words of encouragement and so on... but the results were never announced...

finally... the principal came up... and besides telling us the results are out... she told us the statistics of how many As we got... which subject got all As... and still babbling...

then she announced the results are with the teachers... WOOHOO... the results... FINALLY...

so... at first my class teacher told us to go according to alphabetic name... i was sitting in front... and girls got the privilege of getting the results first... so when i was preparing to go back... since i'm no.9 in class... teacher asked me to come in front... oh no...

so i sat in front of teacher... and teacher check through the name list... and say i got 8As... i was schocked... so when teacher was going through the result slips... i told teacher not to bluff me... teacher told me to be confident in myself...

the result slip was given to me... i looked at it and it was all in As... so we had to fill up some form... with the results obtained... i keep looking at the slip to check the result... and teacher said all As... don't need to check adi...

what? i was still shock... ok... then i went and find my friends... basically hugging and jumping...

so i told my mum my results... my mum was shock too... and i could hear my mum's collegue shouting from behind... went to my mum's work place... and her collegue suprised me with a confetti popper...

so... conclusion is... i ~till now~ can't believe i got straight As... but life has to go on... i'm living everyday as happy as i can... i don't take my exam for granted... i can't keep thinking i can get good results now just because i got 8As...

Looking Back

2008-10-11T21:39:00.002+08:00

looking back at my previous post... i realized how much i have changed... and how much things have changed... so a bit update on some things that have changed...

my girlfriend accepted her boyfriend back again.... ~wish them lots of happiness...~

i am talking a bit more with him... he even taught me add maths... ~yeah~ more topics... well, even if we can't be as close as before... at least we are talking...

i actually sat for exam... ok, i didn't study like what i promised myself and teacher... but i sat for it... minus that one day larh... but i went for the rest and also going for the last three days... i studied what i could and got big big big big help from SZE GEET... ~thanks so much~

i ask questions when someone ask me to do some things... so i don't get messed up with my brain...

ok... now are things that have not changed...

i still take for granted my holidays... i say to myself... that i WILL study during the holiday... but what i do was use the computer day and night... so haiz... like last time lorh... study the night before and the free time before exam...

i still lose my temper... although it has been less frequent... which is a good thing... that means i try to control until i can't...

i think that's all... but if you think i have changed or not changed somethings... and didn't joit down... please leave a comment,,,

thanks...

goodnight,
Shiau Ling

Winnie the Pooh

2008-10-10T20:33:00.004+08:00

do i look like winnie the pooh?? i feel like i do... short, stout, eat a lot and love my friends...

为什么是你？

2008-10-10T16:16:00.002+08:00

为什么会是你呢？

我有多久没看过你？一年吗？应该是吧！

那天你来我家找我。我真是没想到啊！想到以前我那样的对待你，你还记得我。握你的手，感觉真幸福。

可惜，这都是梦。现实的你和我，只有微笑和点头而已。

最近，是你的生日。如果你觉得是你自己，那就生日快乐！我永远祝福你的。我的朋友。

@#$% OFF

2008-10-07T20:07:00.002+08:00

(due to some foul language involved... the words would be replace with symbols)

@#$% off larh... so what if you are a @#, you are pathetic you know?? HELLO!! You are 16 NOT a 6 year boy who sulk when you can get what you want!!

COME ON!! You are a boy or maybe a MAN!! BEHAVE like ONE!! I just don't get it!! it's only a girl you @#$%er...

AS IF SHE IS THE BEST!!

@#$% off you pathetic little @#$%^... STOP showing the @#$%^& face of yours!! BE A MAN!! Let your girlfriend HAVE SOME FRIENDS!!

LEARN to tolerate!! she WON"T cry just because you LET her HAVE some FRIENDS!!

i KNOW you DON'T like when i TALK to her!! but she IS my FRIEND!!

BUT i will be the GOOD person by WALKING away EVERY TIME you SHOW your PATHETIC FACE to ME!!

do you KNOW that WHEN you DO it... you ARE admitting you are a LOSER and a @#$%^!!

YOU MAKE ME SICK!! @#$%ER!! the WHOLE world would be BETTER WITHOUT YOU!!

What Have I Done??

2008-10-02T12:16:00.002+08:00

oh, what have i done?? what have i done under depression??

i really regret about it... but what is done has been done...

i can't change anything... but just have to accept it...

my mistake all because of you... you, the one who just can't see me...

A Picture Says A Thousand Words

2008-09-29T19:51:00.005+08:00

just like the title... a picture says a thousand words... Go figure then...

你还记得我吗？

2008-09-27T23:53:00.001+08:00

今天我看到了你，我们在同一个地方，你在东边，我在西边。可是你望我一眼，却认不出我，我对你招手，你的眼神充满了疑问。

是你变了，还是我变了？还是因为我曾经喜欢你，所以在茫茫人海之中看到你呢？

我在这十六年的生活，遇过了很多人，也爱过很多人。可是，我到底在多少个人的心目中有地位呢？到底还有多少个人记得我吗？

其实我很希望其他人能够记得我。每一次，我都会记得你们。路上遇到你们，都会和你打招呼。可是我不知道你是不是真的记得我。

你还记得我吗？

Couples... B&W...

2008-09-24T15:10:00.003+08:00

what's the best thing that you have when you couple??
a new guy/girl to be there for you when you are sad or happy

what's the worse thing about coupling??
you lose your life, school life and friends...

what's the best thing about having your friend coupling??
you get to feed on their stories...

what's the worse thing about having your friend coupling??
you get stuck in between and left alone...

what's the best thing about having the top5 coupling??
you know that they are good for each other...

what's the worse thing about having the top5 coupling??
they set a bad example to the younger kids...

what's the best thing about having a boyfriend??
there's someone there for you no matter what...

what's the worse thing about having a boyfriend??
he is always there for you until you lose your friends...

what's the best thing about having a girlfriend??
you become independent and manlier...

what's the worse thing about having a girlfriend??
you bend down like a dog and become a piece of disrespected boy just to keep her as your girlfriend...

A/N
what's the worse thing about being alone??
i'm still alone... and lonely...

what's the best thing about being alone??
i can crap about such stuff with no regret or fear that my boyfriend would dump me the next day...

Wishes do come true...

2008-09-24T14:38:00.002+08:00

Wishes do come true... in another form...

sometimes when we wish for something, we do get it... but not the way we hope for...

for instance i wish to get a pet... i got 2 hamsters... i was actually hoping for a tsih tzu...

so be careful of what you wish for... it might come true... whether you like it or not...

Laws of Shiau Ling

2008-09-20T14:54:00.002+08:00

Since there are laws for Physics... i might as well tell my laws... not really my laws... but i thought of it... but i do not claim copyright over it...

1)Pythagoras' theorem Law
Application: if you are walking from the back gate to tapak... walk from the stairs near prefect room to your class... only apply to form4 or form3...

2) Charsiew siewyok Law
Remember how whenever you order charsiew siewyok fun, you get more charsiew??

ok... i'm actually bored writing this entry... so i shall stop here...while i go and play more games... wahaha...

Tired...

2008-09-16T15:01:00.003+08:00

i'm so tired... tired in pretending...

that i'm all right... that i am catching up in school... that i don't mind being alone... that i agree to your relationship... that i don't care about how you are acting... that i can close an eye on your stupid childish behaviour... that i don't mind being your puppet... that i keep thinking of cute hot guys...

I'm not all right... i can't catch up in school... i really mind being alone... i disagree to your relationship... i care of how you are acting... i can't close my eye cause you are a man, a well respected guy, not a cheap boyfriend that bends down to a girl... i mind being your puppet cause you don't care about me... and i don't think of hot guys... i just want a boyfriend who cares for me...

i just want someone to be there when i need... a shoulder to cry on... someone to share my feelings... someone who understands what i'm going through... someone who really cares for me...

Marching...

2008-09-13T16:45:00.004+08:00

hey... i'm cute... or that's what my junior thinks of us...

so today we had our 2nd perjumpaan... and i'm in charge of the marching section... ok... so training for the juniors... too bad... but we had our fair share too... 2 years back...

anyway... during the theory session... since i am not involve in it, i went round snapping... photos, of course... photos shall only be reveal at the end of our term...

and more marching... well... i can only comment that... the juniors have improved a lot... yeah... pat yourself on your back...

well... that's for now...

Why? oh Why??

2008-09-09T22:28:00.003+08:00

i don't want to talk to you anymore... you are terrible....

you never wish me happy birthday... ok... you 'kap qin' with my friends to buy the present... but you never say anything about it... it's so obvious you might not even know what that present is...

you are still not wishing me happy birthday... and it's too late...

and you don't keep to your word... stop pushing the duty around... and start giving me details before i freak out like the last time...

you take me for granted that i will do anything you ask me to do... but i'm doing because... i love BSMM...

am i your servant?? or a rag doll?? or that stupid bolster where you think of it only when no one is there to help you??

i am disliking you by the minute... and i'm frowning... like my dad... you should see my dad when he gets mad... that will be me next....

so stop acting as if we have no problem... that we are just fine... like before i told you i like you... because i'm really regretting i told you that... stop acting...

i want to have a real conversation with you... not ending it by walking away whenever our topic finishes... not starting it with a business matter...

whatever larh... i'm so emo nowadays... you be you... and i be myself...

2008-09-08T00:39:00.002+08:00

ok... i know the post about my birthday is damn long... but i just want to share my story with you all...

ok... here is where i become emo...

for the whole day, i received a lot of birthday greetings... but not from him... did he forget about my birthday?? i waited until like now... but he had only tell me things about kursus kebakaran... or more like i asked him things...

even my junior was the first one to send the message... i didn't really expect him to wish me happy birthday... simple but touching...

i didn't really think about it... by how i wish he would wish me happy birthday... haiz...

ok... enough about him... let me tell you about the greetings i got...

there were simple ones... like just a happy birthday... a happy birthday song... making fun of my birthday ones... wishing me good health...?? greetings from genting... sweet 16... cannot call me small girl adi... and so many more...

but all in all... thanks for your greeting... i will truly cherish it...

2008-09-07T23:12:00.005+08:00

Heyhey... today is my 16th birthday... let me tell you what i did for this special day...

first, i had this weird dream... and i woke up to the story the radio was broadcasting... at 6am... it was a love story... but what i was dreaming about and the story are 2 different things... creepy subconscious dreams... never seem right...

ok... and then i started receiving messages at around 8am... messages after messages of wishing me happy birthday... not that i'm complaining ~this is the first year i'm receiving so many birthday greetings....~ but i want to sleep.... sleep.... on my cold bed... with my big pig and bolster... so messages after messages i replied...

until slightly before 9.30am... does the messages stop coming in... then i doze off... which at 10am, my mom starts screaming downstairs for me to wake up... arh... my bed... my piggy...

so i had red eggs for breakfast plus this experiment thing my mom did... baked tomato with egg and cheese... a bit too soft though... then i quickly changed to my taekwondo outfit... and run off in the car... without the target... oh no... what will happen to me and my bro??

at taekwondo lesson... our main instructor never come... so we had another sir come and teach... after warming up, we had to do kicking... the seniors were told to go to another section to practice target kicking... whew... no need target... the sir told us our kicks need to be above our belt or he will send us running in the field... never 'kena'... so lucky... but damn tiring... cause after the seniors go off, our lane very few people... so after kicking one round... walk back and start again... so tiring... and the finally sir said we could rest... then he called us back... i thought yeah... we can leave... he asked us to do burpy plus pumping... haiz... so i was damn damn damn tired...

after reaching home, i had another red egg... ~it's my birthday ok... i get to eat...~ then bathe... and then my friend sms me asking me whether am i going for orchestra practice... so the sms battle begins again... in the end... i ask my dad to send me for orchestra practice at 2.15pm...

when i reached there, i saw mr chan... and he said no junior practice... whatever, i'm there already... so i went and yam cha with my friend... during senior practice... i waited for 20 minutes before another violist came... it was terrible... i thought i will be the only violist... wah... pressure arh... so we played 'simple symphony'... it was ok... but have to do some homework... like the treble clef and some notes....

after orchestra... i went to digital mall to send my bro's phone for repair... then my dad bought a new phone to pamper himself... and after that we went to the ramadhan bazaar down the street to go food hunting...

it's terrible you know... how we chinese buy the food meant for the muslim's buka puasa... but... we are malaysians marh... and muhibah like the proton advertisement... so, we got satay, ayam percik, murtabak, otak-otak and roti jala...

after buying and picking up my bro from the house, we went back to my maternal grandparents' house and had dinner... my aunt bought me an ice-cream cake... Mmmmm.... after dinner, we were like sitting down... but not catching up... coz we were watching 'shaggy dog'...so we just sat there and watch... until my mom said it was time to cut the cake... ok... so 15 mins break from the tv to cut cake... photo taking and then eating cake... in front of the tv again... haiz...

so, today was a very busy day... and very tiring... it was actually one of my happiest birthday... coz although i didn't receive a lot of present... but i did stuff today...

oh... and my present from my parents is a new camera... so i took pictures for today... yeah... new camera...

my camera case and camera start guide

me and my mom

me and my dad

me and my bro... it took me soooo long just to get a photo of him with me...

my cousin bro... for the fun of it...

me and my big uncle... cute expression... hehe

the 'sisters'... i'm the youngest...

do i look like my aunt??

3 generation of ladies... and i'm still the youngest...

Family photo

small family photo... my bro is soooo tall now...

birthday cake...

2008-09-05T14:47:00.002+08:00

i've been sick for one week and more... ok... not THAT sick... but still sick enough so i don't have to go to school... which means no one in school would've seen me for one week... but...

i don't think anyone MISSES me at all... maybe some... but not a lot though...

why? i tell you why... based on the messages i received...

1) asking me to pass up my laporan pengajar...
2) ok... this gurl is not bad... she tells me my homework...
3) asking me how am i just because my classmates are asking her what happened to me... which means she wouldn't ask if none of my classmates asked her... haiz... so i didn't reply her... too upset...

And only one person knows what really happened to me because i ask him some questions... and ok... he's a good guy...

no one else seems to know or tried to ask me... (there's such thing as phone and telecommunication)... maybe that's how it is once we reach form 4... everyone for their own self only...

so... here am i ranting how no one cares about me when there are more people less fortunate like me... cause i'm back on my blog... hehe... see the verse there??

2008-09-01T17:42:00.001+08:00

my birthday is 6 days more... but here am i writing a blog because...

i'm sick and i can't sleep on the bed because my selfish brother who happens to be very irritating every time of the day is on it watching TV... and i so goddamn need a bed to sleep on...

hopefully i will be better once i turn 16... hehe

2008-08-25T20:48:00.002+08:00

难道就不能帮吗？为什么？妈妈说得对，嘴唇薄的人没人性，又刻薄。。。往往会让我这一种人辛苦。。。

为什么要为爱所困呢？我看见两个人因为爱而让我看不起他们。。。第一个是我的最亲的人。。。因为分手而向周围的人发脾气，也不停得开始耍感情。。。另一个分手后却才知道已经失去了，而勉强的想要复合。。。让周围的人很辛苦。。。这两人可说是我生命里最影响我的人。。。我却因为他们分了手，而看不起他们。。。让我觉得他们把自己糟蹋到连人都不是。。。

而我被爱神耍了。。。为什么要喜欢我的最要好的朋友？让我失去了他，让我们不敢面对对方。。。却因为工作所需，而必须沟通。。。

为什么我的生活充满为什么？应该开始想解决方法了。。。

2008-08-22T00:15:00.002+08:00

Hiya...

nothing much to say... just daydreaming this few days... finding ways to avoid doing those terrible mind bending, hand breaking and eyes 'opening' homework...

ok... really nothing much to say...

oh... to all sudoku fans out there... check out this website if you could be the next samurai sudoku for the year 2008...
www.MSIGsudoku.com.my

2008-08-19T16:20:00.005+08:00

i've not updated for some time now cause i was busy...

first the school holidays came... then i had to go to Abdul Samad's installation... followed by a trip to Port Dickson which got me sunburned... haiz... then i had a sleepover at my friend's house... all in one weekend... by monday when i finally got back home... i was dead tired that i wore my contacts to sleep... and i was not feeling well...

not to mention lee chong wei only got a silver medal... but it means not much to me... but i think getting only silver meant a lot to him...

anyway... i got pictures for you to feast your eyes if you want to...

Photos from PD

Photos from rou ann's sleepover

2008-08-12T15:07:00.003+08:00

I got tag... so i am playing this game... sorry to those that i shall tag... hehe...

Rules :
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. ~~Yes~~No tags back!!

- 1 2345678910 11 12 13 14 15 - start!!

One:
I love to solve sudoku until i don't even want to sleep...

Two:
I like to sleep until as much as i can... i'm like a pig...

Three:
I used to play the harmonica and performed before...

Four:
I cheat when i'm playing the viola in the orchestra... i skip bars or notes that i can't play...

Five:
Young kids and babies don't like me... hmm... i wonder why...

Six:
no matter how much i like to sleep... sometimes... i would stay awake until my parents are awake...

Seven:
I like good guys... or helpful guys... or guys who are good to me...

Eight:
I still haven't forget about my first crush in primary 5...

Nine:
I read books in the toilet... that's why i spent so much time in the toilet...

Ten:
I like clean nails... which means no dirt under the fingernails...

Eleven:
I don't kill mosquitoes... i only kill when they don't fly off after several warnings...

Twelve:
I want to go for dancing lessons... but my parents would not let me go...

Thirteen:
I like evergreen songs... or slow songs... i never like rock songs... or songs that has a lot of screaming in it...

Fourteen:
i want to join the CHS idol... but no hope larh...

Fifteen:
I hate child and teen actors... they make me feel useless...

My descendants:
-Su Lynn
-Sharon Lai
-Benedict
-Su Saint
-i'll think about it later...

2008-08-10T19:23:00.002+08:00

WE should learn how to listen to what others are saying... not just verbally but through their body language and emotions...

but we should also know how to talk... it's no use hoarding everything in your heart but not speaking it out...

when we do not see past the talking... and only see the reasoning... we lost out a lot... we never think to ask about their problems they are facing... we never offer a chance to let them talk their opinions because they are afraid we would scold them for not giving what we want them to do...

we always think we are right and that we have the right to punish others... but have we talk to them, listen to their problems... or have we gave proper warning... we never give warning and just imply the punishment... is it fair for the others??

when we do not listen... we are not respecting others... we treat them as shit if i may say....

that is why, we should listen and give a chance to others to speak...

and in my case, proper instructions will do...
~even if you treat me like a piece of rubbish... i would forget about it... but please remember what you told me before you start scolding me for the cert... and involving others in my PRIVATE problems with you... and please respect others and their feelings... you might be more powerful but you are not the most powerful... oh... and you are a freaking scary power-hungry person... so wish you luck in your future...~

2008-08-08T17:07:00.002+08:00

我本来以为我不再在乎那件事。。。可以在他们的面前谈那件事。。。可以承认当时我有错，也知道自己的缺点和优点。。。

可是原来我走不出那个阴影。。。当时我喘不过气，不能呼吸，心跳得很快，也差一点儿流泪了。。。就离开了会议。。。虽然我知道这样子做很没有礼貌，可是当时我忍不住了，必须离开。。。

对不起朋友们。。。我知道我的事弄得你们不爽我。。。等我吧。。。我一定会好回的。。。

2008-08-04T20:32:00.002+08:00

did i make the right choices?? did i walk the right path?? did i do the right turning??

who can tell me... i have been thinking nowadays whether quiting those things were a right choice?? neither way, i do not want to regret the choices i made...

things i have quit to make my life a bit more tidy:
chinese lit
YE
Piano
band

things i didn't join and thinking whether was it a right choice:
english lit
dancing
wushu

2008-08-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

Time flies so fast... Just when you thought you can wait for a while before dealing with it, it just pass by without saying anything...

it was just like yesterday when i first started out as a member in BSMM... now in slightly less than 20 hours, i will be officially a committee member...

it really flies... flies faster than a bullet train... faster than PN Sim... i really wished that it will stop and give me some time to breath and plan out everything... but too bad it wouldn't happen...

2008-07-24T15:27:00.002+08:00

一直听人说十六岁是最甜的年龄了。可为什么我喝了这很苦的茶呢？为什么我泡的茶如此苦呢？难道我不能继续喝甜茶吗？我应该如何才能把苦茶便甜呢？

我用的材料如下：
一杯感情，一桶心血，一瓶懒惰，半杯努力，一点点骄傲，一点点自以为是，半杯希望，一瓶开心，半桶失望，一桶伤心，一桶自责，一桶信心。

为什么现在的我如此讨厌自己？对自己失去信心，不再相信自己，不再希望会成功，只希望做得到，因为不想再次受伤害而变得自私，因为曾经被伤害所以讨厌自己。。。

2008-07-24T15:11:00.002+08:00

Hehe... just trying out this chinese program i just downloaded... allow me to continue blogging in chinese...

一直在找着可以让我在电脑写华语的program。可惜的是我一直找不到我要的东西。有的话，都只有一个月的期限。都不能够让我用多久。

2008-07-21T21:36:00.002+08:00

Ms. Goh:

This is to reconfirmed your membership in 'I lost a close friend' Club. Your reason of joining back this club was, quoted 'I lost a friend because of my feelings to him that I cannot take back. We are no longer friends but just colleagues.' Your reason for membership is therefore strong enough.

A reminder here, you may resign from the club at any time if you have regain your friendship.

from,
The Club Manager.

relax...

2008-07-17T20:24:00.002+08:00

i need to relax myself... after going through ~and still going through~ i learned how to control my temper and how to talk to those idiots that just don't know how to ask questions properly...

so... when i'm at the verge of crying or mad... i'll take deep breaths and remind myself that these idiots will get their payback one day... one day... so i won't breakdown anymore ~hopefully~

anyway, i'm trying to stay positive... so.... wait for a new me...

Complication...

2008-07-15T21:19:00.002+08:00

Complicated people under complicated situation makes complicated relationship and cause more complicated situation...

my best friend solved her relationship problem already... she said no... so, everyone, learn to say no when you are feeling uneasy... it won't hurt to protect yourself...

ok, now that my best friend have solved her problem, i really really need to solve my own problem...

wish me luck... hwaiting....

Today And Yesterday

2008-07-13T22:34:00.002+08:00

i went for a H&G ~harmonica and guitar~ concert yesterday... it was nice because they were using of course guitar and harmonica to play songs...

i invited a friend i met at a YHC ~youth holiday camp~ few years back... it was fun meeting him back... we had a lot to talk about... so i think we should have more gatherings... so see you soon, Diong...

so, today i went for a dinner with the orchestra members and some of the small group members...

what's wrong with being close with a guy?? i have so many guy friends but no boyfriends ok??

ok, it was a short update only... so...

see you soon, i hope...

Drama bit....

2008-07-12T17:39:00.002+08:00

ok.. the saying is that drama life are fake and will not happen in real life... but i beg to differ... some part of the drama life WILL happen...

let me tell you why... remember those parts when the best friend steals the boyfriend... the girlfriend doesn't want the guy... the guy wants her back... ask her best friend what to do... and the best friend falls in love with the guy... and so on...

well, it's not so dramatic in my life but... ok...
my best friend which will call A broke up with the boyfriend which we will call B. anyway B really loves A and wants her back in his life... but A is in a conflict... to accept him or to say no... she avoided him for a few days but start talking to him again because she thinks it's bad to avoid... ~please don't think you can't be friends again after breaking up... it's too hard to stay that way...~ so B keeps sms me about ways to get her back... i keep chatting with him about her then...

not only about A, but we have another project together to do... we always whisper and i often see him because he has been staying back for a few days now... ~i don't like him because i liked someone else who probably don't like me the way i do...~

so today was my AGM... you know how girls hug each other right?? i was congratulating my friends on their post they got... so when it was his turn... it was awkward because i wanted to shake hands to congrat but our hands were like in between hugging or shaking hands... but we eventually shaked hands only... ~friends mah~ ~please don't get angry, A... it's just that we are a bit closer then before... but he really loves you... i'm only the middle person...~

besides... i have to forget romance... the guy i like... well i have been avoiding him... and when i congrats him, it was damn awkward... his hands were cold and i feeling like warming up... ~i warmed up hands especially girls... in exchange for some warmth in their hands...~ i really wanted to hold on to his hands but... it's impossible... i'm not sure whether we did it on purpose but after shaking, i did not immediately let go but hold on for a while...

anyway... it's just that now... with what he is... i've to forget i like him and act professionally with him... ~we both need to cooperate~ no more 'manja'ing and lunch with him... or badminton... haiz... what to do? who ask me to like him....

The 'Oops' factor

2008-07-09T22:05:00.000+08:00

~i meant to update this yesterday but somehow my connection was done...~

Ok, so what's with the 'oops' factor, you ask?

Well, here goes... i went for a Hepatitis B checkup... which means withdrawing blood from my fat hand...

see the word fat?? it means the nurse can't find the veins or if they did was the wrong one... so she tried on my right hand, inject, there's blood but it's not the vein, it's my skin punctured... so they ask me to rest for a while....

after half an hour, i tried with my left hand... Yay... Blood.... but still not the vein, so there goes another puncture...

last option, the back of my palm... to tell the truth, it hurts like hell... imagine feeling a needle under your skin... at the point of injecting, it was hell painful and it remained until the needle came off...

so conclusion, slim down and NEVER EVER allow the nurse to inject the back of the palm....

*********

the 'oops' factor version 2

Blood Donation taboo... the 'oops' word... Why??

situation: you are sitting on the chair, waiting for the nurse to withdraw blood... the nurse can't find your veins.. she starts slapping your arm to show the veins *hopefully*... sees a strand of it, says i think this is... she injects and... she says... oops salah...

thats what my uncle dread in donating blood....

********

going back to class, i had 3 plasters on my hand... like i just came back from a knife fight... but luckily i could still type....

This whole week...

2008-07-06T23:18:00.000+08:00

i promised myself that i will write my blog everyday... but... there are some problems... i am trying to change my blog template... but i couldn't... i spend 5 nights trying to do that, and i am getting mad every time i try to change... so if anyone could kindly tell me, what is a 'publicId' and 'systemId' i will be very grateful...

i just had an orchestra performance in Bukit Jalil G&C Resort... it was nice minus the food... we had better food last year... haiz... nizways, PJYCO is 25 yrs old, L&J is 27 yrs old and the founder is 60 yrs old... i thought he was only in his early 50s...

i said sorry to friends over my past behaviours... i know it's a bit too late... but maybe i was being selfish, i wanted to get those things off my mind... but guys are guys... haiz...

talking about guys... okay fang yin, i will tell which type of guys are handsome plus cool (to me only of coz)... guys who wears long sleeve shirt(preferebly light blue *my fav colour*), plus a tie (not maroon or any dark colour plz) and last but not least, a coat that fits (bob, your coat is toooo big for you, look at kerobob's... it fits)... must be nice looking (need not be the cutest), kind, around 175 or taller (but not 190 plz... unless i'm 180 which would not happen), does not smoke and so on... (i'm a bit picky though) (but it is for cute and HANDSOME guys lorh) a bonus, if that guy can play any string instrument....

ok... i'll write till here... have to sleep... i'll try to update once i can change my template (stupid blog skin)

goodnight and goodbye,
Shiau Ling

Tired...

2008-06-24T22:14:00.000+08:00

I'm practically tired... Why?

My best friend is avoiding for reasons i am not sure... Maybe it has to do with something i said to him...

I am keeping my mouth and hands to myself... I am keeping myself not so active... I do not want history to repeat itself... (Am i being selfish?)

My girlfriend is having relationship problem and I would be happy to keep out of it... but I am seeing them everyday... When will they solve their problems?? Gambate...

I just had an interview and it did not go smoothly but it was so much more better then i expected... I am happy with what i chose for myself... it is a decision that cost me a lot... eg. friendship and maruah plus harga diri...

I am not confident in myself as I used to be... I used to believe in myself... but now... i have to take a lot of courage to take the next step...

I have lost friends from that B***** project... Even though i learned more of myself from that experience, i lost friends because of my frustration towards everything in the project....

Plus, homework is tiring me... what to do?? no homework for 3 weeks... and suddenly... HOMEWORK....

~wish me luck. i am making a big step forward and trying not to fall backwards...~

Problems!!

2008-06-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

All problems start from the top. true??

i think most of us think so. it does not need to be the leader, it can start from anywhere even from the lowest rank.

BUT mostly once the upper part or the top part starts having problems, miscommunication and so on, something WILL happen...

Reflecting the past

2008-06-22T02:14:00.000+08:00

In the recent situation I put myself in, I found friends who supported to me. They were there for me when I needed a place to confide and cry. They were the ones who tried to pull me back from the narrow road I walked myself in. They were the ones that never give up on me. There were even those that even though they do not know the situation but still stayed with me.

Thank you for the support you gave me. You were there when everyone was giving up on me.

I have learned a lesson from that situation. NEVER MIND-READ was the piece of advice from my counselor. She told me I was mind-reading everyone. How I thought people will understand my problems when I would not even tell those people. So, I found out my weakness.

My weakness:

1. I never ask. I always thought that I could solve the problem myself. I thought that I do not need anyone’s help.

2. I keep everything to myself. I have never told unhappy things to my family. Classmates have never really seen the side of me being frustrated and hurt by friends. Close friends never know why I cried. They say I am being emotional. But it is only to them.

3. I can never be wrong. I never like failing in things or knowing I have done wrong.

4. I put too much expectation. Although my expectations are quite low, but there are a lot of it that I finally fall under its weight.

Enough of myself! What about you? Have you thought of your weaknesses and how to change? Have you often put down people just because you are slightly better than them? Have you ever wished you could just be ‘those’ people?

Stop wishing and stop looking down on people or yourself. You are you. If you try to be someone else, then you will not be yourself anymore. Believe yourself. Trust yourself. But never forget about those that are reaching out their hand for you.